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Review:AlexFan says:
Alrighty! Okay, so, this review won't be like the last one. It'll be more positive and have things that you did good (because I'll be honest, there was a lot of awesome stuff in this).

Hopefully, this won't be as long as the other review.

Nice save on the whole Albus Weasley thing (for some reason I went back to look for that part but I couldn't find it. I could've sworn I saw it! I think reading is really starting to mess up my eyes).

How was Cassie going to pay for her wand with American money if Albus hadn't paid for her?

Scorpius and Albus sound like a young James and Sirius would. I loved that about them, they just seemed so carefree and easy going.

QUESTIONS!
How does Cassie know about Slytherin? Did Albus tell her about Hogwarts? Did Scorpius? And if they did, did they explain the houses? How does Cassie know that Scorpius is a Slytherin? Did Scorpius tell her?

None of this is told to us as a reader, nothing is explained about how Cassie knows this stuff because the reader hasn't been told. If you added in that explanation, it would make this chapter longer and a lot better.

Oh, and it's "Slytherin," but that's about the only mistake grammar-wise that you have in here.

How does Cassie know about wizard money? Did Albus tell her? Again, it would be awesome if this was explained.

I don't think they have Floo stations, I thought people just went to the Leaky Cauldron and used the fireplace there. Anyway, it's not that big of a deal and it makes the story unique.

The ending was hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing (you might want to add Humor as a category for this story because I have a feeling it'll turn out funny).

As for your summary it could go something like this
"Cassie was a model, she was rich, she was happy and she had a knack for walking in heels that not many girls had.
Cassie wanted something that modeling couldn't give her. She wanted real friendships, she didn't want to hear that she still wasn't skinny enough but most of all, Cassie wanted Magic."

Or something like that (wow, that came out really cheesy not that I read it over but I admit that it takes even me to come up with a decent summary sometimes).

The flow in dialogue was much better in this chapter than the last one.

Great job on the chapter!

Author's Response: YAYAYAYAY!
I'm glad you liked it. I just combed through the first chapter and edited everything. I'm super pleased with how it turned out!

you're totally right about all those questions. sometimes I just get into this writing phase where I forget to leave out a bunch of important information. (or all of the information) plus I think it will be really entertaining for her to learn about the wizarding world. I will go over that second chap too and add in everything I left out! whoop whoop!

that summary is a lot better than what I have up right now! I like the format of it, I'll tweak it a bit and see how it looks.

and yikes! I screwed up the name of one of the houses! ***shame** I will fix that as well!

Oh boy! I am so excited! Your feedback is so incredibly helpful! Thanks again!


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