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Review:AlexFan says:
So, I'm here to do your review for ya! Now, I have a lot of things to mention so this will most likely end up being a really long review.

What I noticed when I started reading was that in the first paragraph it said "anything about to change," but it doesn't really make any sense because of how it's worded. You could try re-writing that bit so that it makes it easier for the reader to understand. It confused me a whole lot that's for sure.

You also had a little bit of a habit (in that same paragraph) with starting your sentences with the word "and". It's okay to start a sentence with the word "and" sometimes but technically speaking, you should avoid starting sentences with words like "and," "so."

Trust me, I've done it too.

My suggestion would be to change one of the sentences to something like this."

"And by a lot, I mean a lot; it would also give me an edge over Katelyn Wallace, my arch rival."

It makes the writing flow more and it's not as choppy. But, this is just a suggestion of mine so you don't have to take it.

I was going to ask why Cassie is so excited about getting engaged at sixteen but then she dumped her boyfriend for cheating on her and it didn't become such a problem for me.

Now, I do have some good things that I like about her. I like the fact that even though she's rich, she still has her own real problems. She lost her mother, and she'd always have to visit her wearing too much make-up. I like the fact that she also admits that she's not perfect.

She knows that she's skinny but she doesn't really see it as something to be proud of because she knows that she's underweight. She has feelings like a normal person because she hates being told she's too fat and I have a feeling that it hurts her feelings.

And judging by the end of this story, she also has a habit of falling for guys too hard and too fast.

Moving on.

These are just a couple of facts that you might want to know about so that it helps your story be more correct fact-wise (and trust me, readers hate it when a story is correct). Nothing major though.

First, Albus' name is Albus POTTER, not WEASLEY (and to be really exact, his name is Albus Severus Potter but I'm guessing [or hoping] that you already knew that). He's James' brother (as I'm sure that you know).

Second, Hogwarts only accepts students from Great Britain and Ireland so Cassie wouldn't get a letter from Hogwarts. She'd probably go somewhere like The Salem Witchs' Institute (which I'm pretty sure is in America). But other than that, you basically got everything right.

One last few things, the conversation at the end of the chapter was a little awkward and forced. Last thing, I promise, Cassie just met Albus, why is she in love with him? Understandable if she found him attractive but in love?

You punctuation was pretty good and overall the story flowed nicely. Good job.

You probably don't want me reviewing the rest of your chapters after reading this ridiculously long review do you? At least, I'm assuming.

Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much. this was an insanely great review. I will work on that sentence structure stuff. Thanks for noticing that! :)

Also, with the fact stuff you're totally right. I'll try and figure out a way for cassie's acceptence to work out and still be realistic. Salem's Insitute for witches. hahaha. I should use that!

To be honest, I already caught that error w/ Albus' last name being Weasley. I remedy it in the next chapter. (that sentence was definitely not gramatically correct!!!)

That little habit with "and" is really annoying! thanks for pointing it out! I'm glad you noticed it-- i'll start checking for that more in my writing.

Any-hoo, I'll get to work editing it and fixin' it up! You have no idea how much I appreciate all the edits!

Have a great weekend/ week! I'd love it if you had the extra time to review my other chapters, but certainly don't feel pressured or obligated!

You ROCK!! :)


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