Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:my_voice_rising says:
~*~HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!~*~ I hope it is fun and sparkly and full of good things like cake and coffee and fun times!

And here is your review. :3

I really like that all of the conversations between Rose and Lucy start the way they do; the way that Lucy always says "nothing" says a lot about her. We can see that she's socially awkward for one, and it juxtaposes their social lives well. It's like she's being asked "What did you do today?" and Lucy has to confront the fact that she's done nothing and has few friends, etc.

Small detail, but I thought it was very nice!

Is Michael Seamus's son, then? And I think it would be interesting to go into more detail about why it "just looked that way," whatever he did. I think you can go into it without having to get too dark, but that's a hugely significant part of somebody's character, and it would show more about Rose as a person if she was supposedly so smart but could overlook something like that.

She considered this for a moment and said, "A sexy shark." Haha! I laughed aloud at this.

There are quite a few punctuation errors in this story, particularly with dialogue. For example, you say "What you said, it's true." she told me when it should be "What you said, it's true," she told me with a comma. I think a Beta reader would help you out! They can always catch the things that we don't notice in our own edits! :3

I also think it would be really nice if after Rose gave her "I get you" speech, Lucy corrected her and finally broke down and got her catharsis moment in which she was able to explain to Lucy how she really is. Unless Rose was actually spot-on with her description... then I think it would help if you made it more obvious that Lucy realized how Rose had really understood her all along. I just think the climax of this story should be made a little plainer :3

All in all, cute. It's nice reading stories that aren't driven by romance--and it's always so fun to see the relationships between the many cousins and siblings of Next-Gen.

Happy writings and another happy birthday to you!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 449
Submit Report: