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Review:megthechef43 says:
IloveNeville,

I'm sorry it has taken so long to write you a review, as you know RL gets in the way at times.

I'm liking what I have read so far. I'n going to honest, I haven't read a lot of Marauders Era though.

I think the characterization going on is good. I'm liking the cocky Sirius when the poor third year approached him. I'm not sure that it is canon but I know it is fanon for sure. I tend to like the cocky womanizing Sirius better. I can see a good catty relationship between him and Jane and I'm excited to see how you develop that particular relationship.

James was great. I'm liking the love-sick boy you have. I feel so bad for him when he is talking to Remus in the empty class room. I think his undying love for Lily even though she wants nothing to do with him is so awesome. I like reading the development of how he finally wins her over. You have me intrigued, it's a good start.

The characterization of Remus was great. I have always seen him as a male version of Hermione in a way. I think him helping Sirius with his essay really helps with that point. I like it.

I think Lily's irrational hate for James was humorous in this chapter. Again I can't wait to read how James finally changes her mind.

Jane's character is cute but I find some discrepancies in her characterization in this chapter. At first Jane is a bookworm with Lily, then she is trying to get Lily and James together, then she is sassy with the nurse and then Sirius calls her dull. At first you have her dull and then she isn't and then she is dull again. Was this on purpose? I think something will happen between Sirius and Jane so maybe this is just Sirius perception vs the fact that she is not dull. Iím not sure exactly.

Other than that I think the flow is good for the most part but the switching between characters can get a little confusing. Once I read the first sentence I understand what has happened but it can be confusing at first.

I think you are off to a great start and I hope to read more.

Meg

Author's Response: Meg, I never thought you'd come, but I'm so glad you did! I completely understand about life getting in the way :)

Sirius in this story is a little cocky, but I think it'd be to cover up his many insecurities. It can't have been easy growing up in the family he did.

I adore James. In my head he's one of my favourite characters from the books, even though we know very little about him. I've written quite a bit of stuff on the James and Lily plotline. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but it's cute :D

This first chapter is a very brief introduction to each of the characters. So, we'll see the different sides of everyone including Remus and Lily in the future chapters.

The same can be said for Jane. She, like Lily enjoys to read. However, homework and textbooks are not they're favourite thing in the world. Jane's far from dull, don't you worry about that. Through Sirius' eyes however, she is exactly like Lily. A humourless, antsy bookworm. He'll soon find out how wrong he was :)


I know what you mean with the switching character POV. I'll try to fix that, because it kind of bothers me too.

Thanks so much!


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