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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review :)

I really liked this first chapter of what I am sure is going to be a lovely story.

Since your main concern was characterisation, let me talk about that first :) We've only seen a very older version of Lucius and Narcissa in the books, so I'd say that you pretty much have a clean slate as to how to craft their characters.

So, I'd say that your Lucius and Narcissa, though don't seem to be very much in line with canon, are pretty well characterised. We've never seen them so carefree and youthful, but I think that it is very plausible for them to have been like this in their adolescent years.

I like that though you showed their youthful nature, you didn't forget to emphasise on the pureblood "qualities", expectations, and habits that are tied to their characters and lives.

Narcissa and Lucius both are well-written, and their chemistry came through nicely in your narrative. I liked the playful yet sweet way they interacted, and then the slight beginning of romantic feelings on their part. The ending of the chapter provided a nice closure and was very sweetly written too.

Your plot concept itself is really nice, I like stories focusing on the initial years of Lucius and Narcissa's relationship. The writing style was very smooth and the flow was good too. Your descriptions were strong and the over all chapter was hooking. It interested me and made me want to read more.

Your grammar was also okay, though there were a few typos here and there, such as "gave me time process the fact" should have been "gave me time to process the fact", and there should have been a comma, not a period, after Lucius in 'Lucius." I smiled.'

Anyway, apart from that, this was a very nicely written chapter and I enjoyed reading it. Your characterisations of Lucius and Narcissa and the portrayal of their relationship was done in a great way. The plot, pace, flow, and descriptions were all really good. And the grammar stuff is definitely not major.

This really made for a good read!



P.S. Feel free to re-request :)

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