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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi darling!! Another very intense chapter!

I think you do an excellent job going between characters. Tori had we own very distinct voice as well as Charlie, so even without the names as chapter titles it would be easy to see who we're reading from right away.

Charlie's dream was so eerie, though not all together surprising considering how her time there had gone so far. You gave us a lot of information in this chapter.. James isn't over or is somehow still touchť my Tori's disappearance, Albus and James endured a very serious fracture with their friendship, and Rebecca is a quite sad.. Pathetic really. Still, you can't help but feel sorry for the girl.

I did feel like this chapter could benefit from adding in more detail relating to the current issues. Which is hard with first person.. But something instead of just

--I look at myself in the mirror and immediately wish I hadnít.

My hair is an absolute nightmare.--

You could do something along the lines of--

... and immediately wish I hadn't. The black strands of hair are tangled in knots from tossing and turning.. probably during my delightful dream about Tori.--

Honestly, I don't actually remember what color hair Charlie had so that would give you a chance to enchanted my mental image a bit. It gives the same detail, but involves what's happening to keep us hooked into the story.

This was a really captivating chapter, darling!


Author's Response: Hello again!
I'm glad you think I do a good job going between chapters as it is quite a difficult task, retaining each characters personal voice.

Thank you for the advice, I'll definitely go back and see what detail I can squeeze in there. It is one of the things I struggle with most, your your suggestions are very helpful!

Glad you enjoyed!

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