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Review:Courtney Dark says:
Hello there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review.

First off, I would like to say that I love the idea for this story! It is so cute and awesome and amazing and just...yes. Just yes. As I was reading it, I started to smile goofily, and began imagining myself locked in a big store in the evening. It would be kind of fun, wouldn't it? Having unlimited supplies of ice cream and other good job on making me feel really connected to the story! It takes a good author to do that:)

I really liked the way this story began. It was a great hook, because I wasn't quite sure what was going on, which left me wanting more. I especially enjoyed the line; 'Because really, Mrs. Potter just could not live without her special cranberry sauce' because it was just so random, but worked perfectly-and it also seems a very Scorpius Malfoy thing to say.

You have some really great lines in this one-shot-ones that made me laugh and smile and all the other right things. One of my absolute favourites was definitely 'So really, I was here with my best mate and his awkward cousin; who was now sitting, reading a book.' It just seems so typical teenage guy-to look over at the one girl he is stuck with, nose in a book and go 'oh great.' So I found that very believable.

I like your characterizations of Rose and Scorpius and even Albus, though he doesn't appear for a very long time. I think what I like about your depictions of these commonly seen characters is the fact that they are so different from how a lot of people right them. Rose always seems to be 'good time Rose'. Or pregnant. And Scorpius is always a total ladies man. Here, you have done something completely different, and I like it! I like awkward Rose, with her head stuck in her book and her glasses, and I like the fact that Scorpius has only had a few kisses.

I'm also impressed that you have developed the characters within the space of this one-shot, without it seeming unnatural or too fast to be believable. Rose's development is especially good-how she goes from being shy and quiet and awkward, to having a good time, grabbing cream and ice cream and laughing. It is clear that Scorpius brings out her good side. I also like how Scorpius slowly realizes how much he likes Rose-from the little things she does such as how she speaks and laughs, and how her eyes light up when she talks about books.

There's really not a lot of advice I can give you on this one-shot, as I feel it's practically perfect! However if there is one thing I could say it would be: detail. It's the little details and descriptions, sometimes ones that don't even matter that really make a story for me. I think perhaps this one-shot is a little fast paced at times, such as in toy section bit, and some little descriptions could really make this even better than it already is.
Thanks for the great read!

Author's Response: Oh wow! Thank you so much for this review! It was insanely helpful and I really really appreciate it! I'm glad you liked it!

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