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Review:Gabriella Hunter says:
Hello!

Hey, its Gabbie here with your requested review (I also go by Queen of Doom or the Underworld) and very nice to meet you and everything! :D
So, starting off I had to say that I thought Sirius was being chased by Lily. I hardly ever see FF's where he and James are actually trying to murder one another but as it turned out, it might have been justified. For a moment I snickered, thinking James had made an accident in bed because of the water but, I was sadly wrong. :(
Hehe.
Anyway, I thought this was a pretty good introduction to the characters. They seem light and set in their naughty ways but I thought you probably should have spent a second longer on adding a bit more detail of the boys, the dorm and so on. But that's just a stylistic thing, I have a bad habit of adding too MUCH detail so no worries there!
The only other CC I can give you is that there were some grammar things. Some of your letters need to be capitalized and you need some comma's here and there but other than that its fine! I'm really more interested in getting in the groove of Sirius and the gang so I'm not too worried that Lily didn't show up in this chapter. :D
From that ending, I have a feeling that Quidditch try outs for James is going to be pretty interesting and shame on Sirius for laughing at his brother's mishap! Tsk. But you've got an interesting little thing there with their relationship so hopefully you'll play on that?
Anyway, thanks for the good read! See you on the forums and keep it up!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, your comments have actually really helped me :D
I always thought that the friendship Sirius and James have would be the kind of relationship where they're always playing about, being a bit hyper and in some cases trying to kill each other :P I've always loved the bromance between Sirius/James and I can just imagine how close they would be and i've tried to show that, the main story is based around Sirius/James and perhaps another pairing that i'm not going to give away yet.
I thought it would show the characters personality's of from the very start and i'm glad you liked it :D I complely agree with what you said about adding more detail and i'm definitely going to go back and add some :)
Grammar! ah! I swear it hates me and its evil :P When editing i'll go over to capitalize things and i'll try (notice the word try) to see if I can find the places where the comma's should be :D
Again thank-you, you cannot belive how much you've helped :D Thank you so, so, so much (*bows down to you*)
-Kjp


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