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Review:cypress says:
Hey there. So, I only review one chapter at a time by request, so you can consider this a freebie on me. ;)

Again, magnificent. Your imagery is superb - "as though church bells had taken to the school passageways," "suds of pink lipstick," "the night was quilt-thick," "a sickle-slice of moon," "dark blood skimming," "shaved his voice to a whistle."

The banter between the brothers was perfect, and I think you captured Fred's voice so realistically! The end, the way you format your sentence - very nicely done. I have no criticism. I hope you're not too disappointed by that.

Looking forward to reading your next chapter.

Cheers,
cypress

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm so so glad you like the banter between the twins. I thought it was a little forced at some point, and I was considering rewriting this chapter...I might, actually - bahaha since I get so obsessed with things :D

And I'm glad you like the imagery, too! It's quite a struggle to be descriptive and yet have Fred's narration remain in character. And I can't tell you how relieved I am that you find Fred's voice realistic. I think he's the more troublesome of the twins to capture in writing. And sometimes I think I've bitten more off than I can chew, choosing to write BOTH the twins' voices...but comments like yours are so encouraging! So thank you so much again :D

-teh


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