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Review:cypress says:
Hello, dear. I'm here with your requested review!

I am going to start by saying, that right now, I'm crying. Tears are, quite literally, streaming down my face. This is beautiful. The first set-off section gave me serious chills. My entire back was chilled. Your writing is rhythmic, the flow is fantastic, the pace is perfect. I've gone back to pick out certain phrases that caught my eye:

"memory drops away into black trenches"
the way you describe Ginny's tears
"wand slipping through the slots of dark space between his fingers"
"knife-streaks of spells"

I'll stop there, but your imagery is impeccable. I'm so impressed. You have a real knack for metaphor. I LIKE the first person POV. I think the only thing about the story I was even the slightest bit iffy about was the way George wants to rip his mother away from Fred's body by her hair and take his hand away from Ginny and Ron. George is such a happy-go-lucky, fun-loving sort of character, and then he's sort of catatonic throughout, but that one paragraph stuck out as very rageful and violent. I'm not saying it isn't realistic under the circumstances, but maybe a bit of a softer transition would help, like more explanation as to why? But I'm really reaching to find something to critique, here. Honestly, I think the whole chapter is superb and if you didn't change a thing I'd still believe that.

Sorry I don't have more to offer.

Cheers,
cypress

Author's Response: Hello there, cypress! First, my goodness...FREEBIE reviews :D I only requested one chapter and you gave me THREE reviews? *sobs* You're too lovely! I must have done something extremely good in my past life!

Oh, I didn't mean to make anyone cry :( But then again I did want people to feel for George. Really get a glimpse of the shock and trauma and things like that...I just keep reading and re-reading your reviews. Goodness, you've given me so much praise, and such SERIOUS PRAISE as well. Gah, I'm speechless. And beyond honoured that you like the writing.

As for that bit where "George wants to rip his mother awa from Fred's body", yeah, I kind of see what you mean by that. It's very striking, possibly quite unconvincing and uncharacteristic of George. It is a little over-the-top, I guess. I'll see how I can modify that part! Thanks for that!

And thanks again for your review! Oh your tears have induced tears in me! Although I must admit my tears are of a happy sort...xD

-teh


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