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Review:MargaretLane says:
Yay, new chapter! I've been waiting for this. (That's not a criticism. I know the queue's been closed and all. I was just a little impatient for this.)

Your Albus is luckier than mine as to who they've the flying lesson with. *laughs*

Rose's rant is amusing. She has a point though. There should be greater safety charms on them.

Um, you have David saying that Hagrid is over half his size. I presume he means over twice.

Love the part about Albus being nervous of dogs. It's one of those details that adds some realism to the story.

Maybe it's the way I'm reading it, but when Hagrid says "ya'll", I kind of tend to read it like the Southern American term for you plural. I'd expect him to say "yeh all" or maybe "all of yeh" since that's the term he uses for "you" otherwise and I don't think the English HAVE a term for you plural.

Hagrid's speech is HARD. This is why he doesn't come into my stories too much, but I'm going to need my characters to have a long conversation with him soon. THAT'S going to take some work. You've done a pretty good job of it, I think. I hope I can do it as convincingly.

Hmm, I wonder why David is embarrassed when Hagrid shakes his hand. I might be being too suspicious here, but I can't help wondering if you are drawing attention to it for a reason.

And Hagrid's cooking obviously hasn't improved!

*grins* Albus is going to try out for the Quidditch team. I wonder if he'll match his father's achievement and make the team in first year.

Hey, you won't be a disgrace if you don't make the team in first year, Albus. I can't remember how old Ginny was when she made the team, but I think she was at least a fourth year. You've plenty of time to match that. If a future professional player has to wait until getting on the house team, it's no disgrace not to make it in first year, particularly since it's so rare for first years to get on the teams and you're still only learning to fly.

When Chris says he's going to test their flying first he says it's because if they can't fly, it doesn't matter "how well you are at anything else." It'd sound better if he said either "how good you are" or "how well you do."

I've been interested to see how old you'll make Albus's cousins by comparison with him. Louis is the same age in both our stories, but Fred is only five or six and Roxanne only three in mine. Since I started writing about the Weasleys, Roxanne is the one I find it most difficult to imagine being at a different place in the birth order. I've very much imagined her as the youngest cousin. So I'll have to get used to her being older than Albus here.

It'll be weird if Albus DOES make the team and still isn't allowed fly more than a couple of feet above the ground in flying class. Weird for him, I mean. But I guess it's weird for wizarding kids anyway, because a lot of them would be flying at home, but the teacher has to work on the assumption that they can't fly, because it's better to be safe than sorry.

And you've left us wait until the next chapter to find out who makes the team. Grrr. I'm only messing. But I AM looking forward to finding out what happens.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I REALLY like this story.

Author's Response: Yeah, unfortunately I had to wait forever since the queue was closed. I originally was going to submit it on the 16th, but I forgot that the queue closed on the 15th. And then after it was back open, I was visiting relatives for a few days so I didn't get the opportunity.

Thanks for pointing out the mistake about David's comment and Chris's comment. It's really easy to fix things like spelling, but harder to find mistakes in grammar.

The reason I made Albus scared of dogs was because when I was nine I get a scar from a dog biting me. So I decided to have the same thing happen to Albus.

Yeah, when Hagrid says "y'all" it does sound a bit too much like an American Southern Accent. I'll try to fix that. I wonder what type of accent Hagrid has, and why he has it anyway?

I have a plan for David if I end up making a second book. Actually, I have the plots figured out for all seven books if I decide to continue the series. No guarantees though, I want to get through the first book before deciding.I'm quite impressed that you picked up the hint about David! You won't learn anything about it this book though.

Hagrid's cooking will probably never improve. I don't think he even realizes that he's a horrible cook.

Albus is overreacting a bit when he worries about not making the team. Albus worries a lot.

I really wanted Lily and Hugo to be the youngest, so all of the other cousins are older. I like to imagine that George and Angelina got together shortly after Fred's death, and it was the death of Fred that brought them together. It was weird reading your Christmas chapter with Roxanne so much younger!

You haven't seen much yet, but I decided to have a lot of muggle-borns in Albus's time. So they don't know how to fly.

Ha Ha, I love cliffhangers. Actually, the reason I did the cliffhanger was because I couldn't fit the entire Quidditch tryouts in without the chapter being overly long. So, I decided to end the chapter halfway through the tryouts.

Thank you for liking my story! I cannot emphasize enough how happy I am that you are reviewing my story. I was so shocked the first time you reviewed, because I wasn't expecting a review only hours after my first chapter was validated. So thank you!

And, Happy Birthday to Art! I haven't posted the chapter yet, but his birthday is today, Jan 6th. I'm actually hoping to work more on his birthday chapter today.

Thank you for reviewing! :)


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