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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review! I haven't read many vampire stories before so I don't have much experience but hopefully I'll be able to help anyway! You sounded quite excited about being ripped apart by I feel mean doing that so I'll try and be nice as well :)

I haven't read many stories focused on the magical creatures of the HP world so I found it really interesting to read this. I think one my favourite parts was the house elf rebelling against the abuse it faced.

I found that introducing so many characters in such a short chapter left it a bit disjointed and confusing at time however if you develope these characters in the next chapter I'm sure the confusion will go :)

I liked the twist at the end that Jack wasn't actually on their side but was in fact protesting their protest and supported in the ministry as that created another dynamic to the story.

I didn't notice any spelling errors other than the ones I think were done on purpose. Perhaps you could use a little more description in the next chapter just so you get a sense of how exactly the characters are acting and what they look like as they would draw the reader in them.

Overall I really liked it as I've never really come across a story like this before so it was an interesting change. Your second chapter isn't up yet but feel free to re-request when it is :) Kiana

Author's Response: hey :) Well that was quick,thank you for getting to my request so very promptly :D And just on time, since I am currently editing the chapter.

I blew past my own vampire phase a couple of years ago (it was coupled with a goth phase, surprisingly enough haha), but I have never really been into them. I think they are kind of silly, with their pointy little fangs and their very, very terrrifying ability to turn into a bat! Argh! Hate bats, they give me the creeps, those fluffy devils!

But the magical creature's challenge got me thinking along the "what if..." path and I like speculative fiction. The conclusion was: being a vampire in the HP universe must be a royal pain. Hence Jack.

It seems that I have confused my reader about Jack. Yes, he is protesting the protest, but more spontaneously. He actually just wanted to try standing up for his rights...and gave up pretty quickly as soon as he realized there was no group that wouldaccept his charming yet blood-sucking self. You seem to be under the impression that he is working for the ministry...what an amazing idea! It's funny because I was thinking of having him be recruited by the ministry later in the story, but then changed my mind. It is clear to me that Jack's motivations ned a make-over and I will get right to it.

Thank you for the review!


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