Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review! I was immediatly excited as I LOVE reading Sirius/OC stories!

I think using Millie's thoughts on the dream was a great start to the story as it left me wondering whether this was her seeing into the future or a nigthmare. The description used in that was great as well. 'A whole river of blood' just made me imagine all of it gushing towards you. I can't wait to find out whether this leads to something or not!

I really enjoyed Millie as a character as she had some really funny thoughts like her blanket having a 'death grip'. I think you made a great start with your OC and it's great you have as it's vital to how well the rest of the story goes.

It was nice to see that Millie didn't hate James as that often is the case with Lily's best friend. I think James was great as you could tell he definitely was mature now as it's 7th year. I liked how you also immediatly introduced chemistry between Millie and Sirius. The whole thing with Sirius staring at her made you wonder whether there's been a thing going on or not.

I was bit wary about the POV changing mid way through the chapter as it may have lost some of the flow but luckily it didn't so don't change it too much in other chapters otherwise the reader may get a bit confused and disoritentated.

I loved the interaction between Sirius and James in Sirius's POV it was so funny and you could tell how close they were.

Overall I loved this chapter so I'm going to carry on reviewing until I run out of time. You definitely lived up to my excitement! Kiana :D

Author's Response: WOW! What a quick response *shiftily backs into the corner for late reply*

When I wrote the chapter, I was playing around with the idea of making Millie a bit of a Seer - if I ever wrote a sequel to this - because I had some nice ideas about where things could go with that.

Millie is... well, yeah. I'm glad you like her! Otherwise the entire story can get a bit bleugh! And I wanted to explore a relationship where James wasn't hated by all of Lily's friends. He was a pretty popular guy!

And thank you for the POV advice - I think there are a couple of chapters ahead where the POV changes somethings like five times, and I've wondered if that affected flow or not, so I'll keep that in mind!

And good to hear the buddies were entertaining!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net