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Review:Badname says:
Firstly, I love that you've gone straight into the action with this first chap - "James Potter was running as though his life depended on it." Yep, got my attention.

There's not a lot of speech in this first section, which I actually didn't mind because you've included so much of James' thoughts. I like way you've portrayed James and Sirius' friendship here, even though Sirius is not in this chapter. Putting aside James' thought that Sirius is responsible for the resulting shenanigans and all of his scrapes and bruises, he still "fixes his mistake", because that's what friends do. James describing a situation that could easily get someone killed as Sirius' "act of stupidity" seemed a little funny to me, because rather than condemn Sirius he has pulled out a massive understatement, which I can easily imagine is a language the two mischievous friends are fully conversant in.

I particularly liked this sentence - "This was meant to be a secret until Sirius started blabbing his mouth off to Severus Snape who was once again sticking his big nose into things that weren't his concern." - because it was the moment that I realised that you were writing about the time Sirius sent Snape down to the Shrieking Shack, and because it reminded me of Mr Moony's insult of Snape on the Marauder's Map :-)

There's just a couple of sentence structure things I noticed that could be fixed in your next edit. This one - "The Whomping Willow was aptly named as it hit anything that came anywhere near it with its long swinging branches, was planted in the school grounds when James had begun school." - may read better if you begin 'The Whomping Willow, aptly named...' etc and 'life's' in the second sentence would read better as 'lives'.

Just heading on over to your next chap :-)

Author's Response: Thank you :D I'm glad that you liked that part, I was hoping that the sentence would capture people's attention so I'm happy that it worked.
Wow, I don't even know how to reply to this wonderful review haha. I'm so happy that you like James's reactions and think that he's behaving like a friend would.
I'm so excited that you picked up on that, I was worried that noone would but I'm so happy that you did :D
Thank you for pointing them out, I was going to go back and edit it over, I took a read of it the other day and made a note of what to change so I'll add those to my list :D
I'm so glad that you're enjoying this story and thank you so much for the wonderful review!


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