Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Remus says:
Heya! Perelandra here!

Ugh, so sorry that I've taken FOREVER to come and give you the review you wanted. :( But with the site's server going down, the holidays...I forgot! But I'm here, though! And I'm ready to review this!

The first paragraph made me laugh hard. I remember pulling the same thing is Victoire with my sister. He sounds like such a sweetie! As I kept reading his train of thought, the more I wanted to reach into the chapter is bring him out to cuddle him! Haha, my ovaries are thinking for me right now! XD

I think you have a small typo. "What tan I do to help you now, Domi?" Is 'tan' suppose to be 'can'?
I'm not 100% sure considering that you have it a few more times. However, Louis' speech doesn't sound too childish for him to be saying 'tan' here and there. Perhaps changing his speech a bit?

revealing an angry looking Fleur by calling her 'Fleur' it kinda broke the flow you had from Louis' perspective. If you were to change it to 'maman' it would sounds better. Personal opinion, though!

The last few lines made me giggle!!

Overall this was such a cute story!!! :D Thanks for letting me read it. :)

--Rosie

Author's Response: I'm the one who has taken forever, so no need to apologise!

Well, as awkward as this sounds, if your ovaries are thinking for you, that means I've achieved my objective of writing an adorable Louis.

This is probably the strangest sentence I've ever typed out.

That isn't a typo, but seeing as it's been pointed out a few times I think I'll edit it and change it to 'can'.

Using Fleur instead of Maman was an attempt to change point of view without blatantly screaming !!!FLEUR'S POINT OF VIEW!!!

I should be the one thanking you for leaving such a sweet review once more :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 621
Submit Report: