|Review:||Courtney Dark says:|
Hey there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review:)
First, I want to say that the flow of this one shot is perfect. As in, I can't fault it. Even though the beginning is very different from the ending, everything flows smoothly and works together as a seamless whole so well done on that!
Speaking of the beginning, I thought it was the perfect way to start off this one-shot. It is definitely misleading, as it is very different from the angsty and dark mood of the rest of the piece, but works nevertheless. The very first sentence; 'Victoire smiled, for the umpteenth time that week, for absolutely no reason' worked very well, in my opinion, because it tells us that Victoire is so happy that she doesn't believe anything can ruin this happiness...and then is proved wrong through a great betrayal.
You have managed to portray Victoire's character very well, especially in such a short amount of time, and I even feel as though you have done Dom's character justice, though perhaps the line; 'Dominique was the complete opposite of her sister – messy and totally crazy.' could be improved slightly. I like the first part of this line, but is 'messy and totally crazy' really the BEST way to describe Dom? I could be wrong-it's really a matter of perspective, but maybe it would be more effective to have something along the lines of 'disorganized and completely barmy'? But that's just me nitpicking.
I like the way Victoire finds the letter, and the fact that she and Dom are on such good terms with each other until all is revealed. I also think you wrote the letter very well, so well done on that! And Victoire's reaction after reading it is absolutely perfect and very realistic. The paragraph that begins with 'Victoire's hands shook' was very well written, and was perhaps my favourite part of this entire one-shot.
The interaction between Victoire and Dom was also very well written, and I could just see the tension between them in my minds eye. The line; 'That did it. That unleashed the monster roaring within her' was great, and it was in that part that I realised how horrible for Victoire I felt!
The paragraph that begins with 'As Victoire appeared outside Teddy Lupin's house' was superbly written-you really have a way with words that draws the reader in. I also like the detail about Teddy's hair turning from black and yellow-it put a little smile on my face, and it's details like that which make the story seem so much more real!
I love the way Teddy and Victoire react to each other, and I know I said much the same thing about Dom and Victoire, which just shows how great you write these sort of angsty, violent scenes I guess. I could definitely see the Veela blood in Victoire coming out as she shouted at Teddy, which was great-even in the midst of a fight scene, Victoire's characterization still shines. I feel as though this argument was very realistic and perfectly written, so well done for that.
Overall, I think this is an excellent one-shot that works perfectly as a stand alone-I definitely didn't need to read the prequel to understand it. The very last sentence, 'the betrayal that had destroyed three lives' ties the whole thing together perfectly, so well done!
Thanks for the great read.
Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked the flow, and also the introduction into the story.
I am also glad to know that you liked my characterisations of Dom and Victoire. I'll look into what you said about Dom, thanks!
I struggled quite a bit while writing the letter so its a relief to know that you found it was well-written! Really, that entire paragraph starting from "Victoire's hands shook" was your favourite? I am so thrilled to know that, as I put in some effort in that :)
Its good to know that you felt bad for Victoire, especially after reading the 'monster' part, as that was the effect I was aiming for.
I have a way with words to draw the reader in? Really? *Squee* I feel so flattered xD Its good to know that you liked the small details as I do like writing them :)
I struggled quite a bit while writing the violent angsty scenes so you don't know happy you've made me by saying that you think I write these sort of scenes well. I actually didn't think about Vic's veela blood while writing it, but I guess my subconscious came up with that xD
Thanks again for such a long and thoughtful review! I am smiling so big right now!