Hey there, it's me again! :) I told you I'd be back, didn't I? ;)
So, the appearance of the mysterious Lily Evans! I loved the way you started this off, again like last chapter not just jumping into the character and the scene, but using her favourite things to lead into it smoothly. There was one phrase I thought was a bit off: 'the impatient ones that still wore green and yellow hues'. I think it would sound better if you phrased it like 'the impatient ones still wearing green and yellow hues'. It's up to you to change it, but it just seemed a little odd to me so I thought I'd mention it ;)
Also, I have to mention that I thought it was so clever the way you linked the previous chapter to this one, with Lily seeing Sirius, Regulus and Walburga dropping their bags off and being so disdainful of their actions. It suits her character so very well and ties in neatly with what we know about her from canon.
Remus and Peter - so glad to see you're including all the Marauders in this one and giving Peter some time in the spotlight, if not quite as much as the others (which is understandable, given the two main characters are Lily and Regulus). It's always nice to see people including Peter with the others :) And James! Being sheepish and nice and growing up! I mean, it wasn't a hugely subtle gesture (no doubt not his forte, I think, from the way you're doing him), but it's not exactly asking her out with a bunch of fireworks spelling out the question. I like how you're making him a bit more mature than others usually make him, and a bit less obsessive. He actually seems rather sweet ;)
I like Lily's friends as well, with one being a Hufflepuff and the other a Gryffindor. It always seemed strange to me that in a lot of stories people only ever had best friends in their own houses. I mean, they do see people from other houses, they just don't sleep in the same room as them - I'm sure they're friends, lol. The Lily's best friend fancies Sirius is a bit of a cliche, but I think you'll be fine at handling that, especially since you're a Snily fan and since this is an AU, I might take a tentative guess and say that Sev and Lily end up together? Yes? No? Don't tell me! I like surprises...
Still - so many questions! Who sends the note to the other? What is it about? How do they meet? How does the sender decide to send the note to the sendee? What changes? What happens? Gah, this is driving me crazy (in a good way, of course!). I am, as I'm sure you've guessed, really enjoying this!
Author's Response: Hello again :)
I'm happy that you liked the beginning here; it seems to grab a lot of readers' attention, and it's one of my favorite parts of this chapter. Thanks for the crit--I'll have to go back and take a look at that. Anyway, Lily definitely has reservations about the Blacks at this point, and they're going to linger a bit.
I've worked really, really hard to include Peter. He tends to come up a lot in future chapters, at least as much as the other Marauders, except for maybe James and Sirius (given their proximity to Lily and Regulus). Like you said, though, Lily and Regulus will remain the main focus here.
James was tough. I don't really like his character all that much in canon (Snily forever!) but I wanted to make him likable to me here, so I tried to calm him down and let him have "normal" interactions with Lily, complete with awkward fluff. There won't be any yelling or cursing or throwing here, either! It's great that you liked the turn I took there.
Yeah, I know the Sirius-and-Lily's-friend thing is cliche, and normally I keep away from those, but it just seemed to make sense here. Don't worry, there won't be a huge spinoff plot where Sirius has a whirlwind romance. They're mostly meant to keep things humorous :)
I hope you return soon! Thanks for the review!