Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ashleydelacour says:
I like your writing style. It’s very personal and easy to read. I like the little narrative breaks you take- warning the reader about Lilly, for example. I haven’t seen it done that way before, and it’s really refreshing and a neat way to connect with the reader.

Also, your humor is well-placed and makes me chuckle. The bit about Lupin’s never ending supply of aunts dying was a great little tie-in to the introduction of his early werewolf stages. And, although I like these stories, I feel that there are some holes in them. I might be missing some book-orientated details about the Marauder’s, but I would like for the little stories to expand a little more, perhaps. For example, the story with Sirius and the chandelier. I was eagerly reading to see where it was going, and was left a little confused when it ended with the bones of the story: Sirius merely dropped a chandelier on the Minister’s head. We don’t know why he was, where they all were, etc, etc. It’s a stupid, little minor detail on my part, but you’re such a clever writer and I really would’ve liked to see where your back stories go.

When in doubt, Peter Pettigrew. I was left a little confused with this sentence, as I didn’t pick up on your meaning. Perhaps expand it a little more? I reread it just to be sure, his whole back-story, and still was slightly confused on what point you were trying to make.

Trees do not typically have a habit of sneezing. - LOL!

I didn’t see anything technical, and would be surprised to because it sounded like you thoroughly edited it. Overall, job well done! Good writing, solid humor, and an entertaining read. Sorry if I couldn’t be of much help, you had lots of previous reviews and not a lot of errors. Since it’s the first chapter, there’s not a lot I can compare to because we’re not that far in the story. If you chose to re-request, hopefully I can be of more help in the future. If not, your story has been added to my wish-list of fanfics to read.

-ashleydelacour

Author's Response: Thank you for the excellent feedback!

I'm glad you enjoyed the comments in the asterisk, as you are one of the few readers who does. I didn't want to write a traditional old fanfiction, so I tried to make it a little more interesting with those interjections.

The humorous aspect of this chapter was the most challenging to write, as this was my first time experimenting in the genre. I'm glad I was successful.

There was some information that was left missing intentionally. For example, Sirius and James' catastrophe with the Minister of Magic and the chandelier is going to be explained further in an upcoming chapter. I was a little hesitant to include it here, as I didn't want the chapter to drag on and bore readers to death.

I did spend quite a bit of time editing this chapter and currently have a beta reading it as well.

Thank you for all of your comments,
Voldy Needs a Hug

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net