I like your writing style. Itís very personal and easy to read. I like the little narrative breaks you take- warning the reader about Lilly, for example. I havenít seen it done that way before, and itís really refreshing and a neat way to connect with the reader.
Also, your humor is well-placed and makes me chuckle. The bit about Lupinís never ending supply of aunts dying was a great little tie-in to the introduction of his early werewolf stages. And, although I like these stories, I feel that there are some holes in them. I might be missing some book-orientated details about the Marauderís, but I would like for the little stories to expand a little more, perhaps. For example, the story with Sirius and the chandelier. I was eagerly reading to see where it was going, and was left a little confused when it ended with the bones of the story: Sirius merely dropped a chandelier on the Ministerís head. We donít know why he was, where they all were, etc, etc. Itís a stupid, little minor detail on my part, but youíre such a clever writer and I really wouldíve liked to see where your back stories go.
When in doubt, Peter Pettigrew. I was left a little confused with this sentence, as I didnít pick up on your meaning. Perhaps expand it a little more? I reread it just to be sure, his whole back-story, and still was slightly confused on what point you were trying to make.
Trees do not typically have a habit of sneezing. - LOL!
I didnít see anything technical, and would be surprised to because it sounded like you thoroughly edited it. Overall, job well done! Good writing, solid humor, and an entertaining read. Sorry if I couldnít be of much help, you had lots of previous reviews and not a lot of errors. Since itís the first chapter, thereís not a lot I can compare to because weíre not that far in the story. If you chose to re-request, hopefully I can be of more help in the future. If not, your story has been added to my wish-list of fanfics to read.
Author's Response: Thank you for the excellent feedback!
I'm glad you enjoyed the comments in the asterisk, as you are one of the few readers who does. I didn't want to write a traditional old fanfiction, so I tried to make it a little more interesting with those interjections.
The humorous aspect of this chapter was the most challenging to write, as this was my first time experimenting in the genre. I'm glad I was successful.
There was some information that was left missing intentionally. For example, Sirius and James' catastrophe with the Minister of Magic and the chandelier is going to be explained further in an upcoming chapter. I was a little hesitant to include it here, as I didn't want the chapter to drag on and bore readers to death.
I did spend quite a bit of time editing this chapter and currently have a beta reading it as well.
Thank you for all of your comments,
Voldy Needs a Hug