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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
This is an exciting start to your story! It's very good - my eyes were glued to the page from start to finish. You've got so many great things going for this story. It's unique, both as a next-gen and as a time travel story. The choice of Roxanne was an excellent one, as she needs more stories written about her, and the way that you've portrayed her so far really works. I also like the action/adventure feel to this story - the pacing was done very well, with just the right balance of movement, description, and dialogue. You've put a lot of work into this piece, and it shows. :)

That introductory scene was especially gripping with its vivid descriptions and tense tone. That was the perfect way to begin - it's not often that I see someone putting so much detail into the physical effects of time travel. Writers will include little things about spinning heads, etc. rather like apparition, but here you've put a lot more thought into it, and it makes for a very effective opening.

You've piqued my curiosity with this introductory chapter. I want to know what's going on and why it's happening - you give wonderful little hints like the reference to Mrs. Tonks, and I'm also wondering why she specifically needs that kind of identification from the forger. The time travel contraption is also fascinating, but it's not as significant as the story behind her mission - that's another key thing for a time travel story. It's refreshing that the method of time travel isn't the most significant aspect of the story, as it often becomes - you carefully foreground her mission, which is a great choice.

There was one little typo I noticed - "he getís the chance". It should read "gets" instead. Otherwise, the writing was impressive and nicely polished. Excellent work on this story so far! I look forward to seeing what you do next with it. :D

Author's Response: Wow! That means a lot to me that you would say something like that. I've read your stories in the past and thought they were really amazing. I agree with you there should be more stories about Roxanne. She seems like such an interesting character and compared to some other of the next gen, quite unappreciated.

Well thank you! Well she travelled quite a long way and in not the best circumstances so I decided to add some details to it . I'm glad you thought this was a great way to start. I was afraid it would be a boring start.

Well don't we all haha. Well I wanted the time travel to be realistic, but like you said it is absolutely not the focus of this story. The mission is the focus. Thank you!

Thank you for pointing that out. I will fix it! I hope to hear soon from you once again. Once again thank you for the lovely review!


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