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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
You have a good start to this story here! It's exciting when authors take on the minor characters and give the "other Slytherins" more depth. There's so much you can do with them, and I think by doing some work to improve the structure and style, you definitely give the characters the kind of spotlight they deserve.

It was refreshing to look into the lives of lesser-known Slytherins, and both Tracey and Theodore are excellent choices. I would have especially liked to hear more from Theodore because there was a real imbalance between the two characters - we hear a lot of details of Tracey's life, but only a snippet of Theodore that's directly related to the scene. If you are willing to do some major structural work, you might want to consider limiting each chapter to a single POV - that way, you eliminate confusion and maximize each character's role as narrator. I actually liked Theodore's narration better - he had an interesting voice, harsher and more to the point. He noticed things in a different way, and I wonder what he saw Daphne do - it put an intriguing slant on things to hear that their relationship was only for show, and it would be wonderful to learn more about Theodore's motives and backstory to better understand where he stands in all of this.

One thing that I see other reviewers haven't mentioned too much are the inconsistencies of Tracey's narration. At times, she sounds very formal in her thought patterns, at times making her wordy, then you slip in slang phrases like "I was on autopilot". If she's going to have a certain speech pattern, be it formal or informal, try to stick with one or the other, and also make it suit her personality and background.

Definitely keep going with this story because the characterizations and premise are well-worth it. I'm interested to see where you'll take this story next. :)

Author's Response: Hello Violet! First off just let me say thanks for this awesome review! It really means a lot to me! I'm so glad that you think this is a good start! I will look at trying to add in more for Theo's pov but if I were to make each pov its own chapter, that would take my chapter count to well over 100 and I think that would make it a bit excessive. For this story I have 8 main characters and in each chapter 2 povs will be shown. I will also try to make sure that everything is all in one voice. I'm glad you enjoyed this though and can see potential in it! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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