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Review:Bryarly says:
Well.

Holly's a muggle. Didn't expect that. Quite like it.

I think I feel slightly more now. So that's nice.

Your grammar and spelling are near on perfect, and your vocabulary is really quite impressive, which I like.

I don't think I'd've reacted in quite the same way though, I mean, surely it would be a lot more painful, and I'm fairly sure numbing charms and healing spells wouldn't take all the pain away, and if they did, really I don't think she'd be quite lucid enough to hold that sort of conversation and not go absolutely mental.

Also, she took it so calmly, I mean, I'm a very logical thinker, so I'd take a lot more convincing, but Holly doesn't strike me as a stupid person, or particularly easy to placate about anything, but to just accept it?

I mean, you'd've thought about strings and pullies, or alternative methods of everything, because evidently its that or just disappear. And anyway, what about her family? She'll disappear and obviously be fine, but what about when they start looking...?

I just need to quit ranting really.

Overall I think I'm going to like this a whole lot, it's just that when I like something this much I really want it to be perfect, so my criticisms are meant to be really constructive, and not quite as nit-picky as they seem.

9/10

Bryarly :)

Author's Response: Good point about her accepting so easily. You'll see that Holly was in a total rut at home and going nowhere. Her imagination is just wild enough that this would be probable.
I'm getting to family soon!
Keep up the criticisms! It makes me realize plot holes or things I need to elaborate upon.
Thank you!


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