Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review! Sorry it took so long to write!

Wow- this is certainly an interesting start to a story. You've gotten me intrigued to see how Dom will break up the wedding and to know if Damon is actually the two-timing man that Dom claims that he is.

Dom's characterization in this chapter has made me really curious to know his past. Why exactly does he hate his sister so? Or perhaps it's not exactly hate... But why is he so annoyed by her? Is it just a case of sibling tension or does it originate from a particular event (or series of events)? He certainly is an interesting character, one I would like to get to know better. :)

Victoire is a really devious person- to force her brother into becoming essentially hired help as revenge... I can certainly understand where she's coming from, though. I don't think I'd like it if someone insulted the (imaginary)person I was marrying and to utterly destroy all of my wedding plans... I was definitely on her side in that moment. Dom certainly seems rather immature at the moment. She definitely has the potential to be annoying, especially as we get swayed by Dom's point of view.

Teddy, Teddy, Teddy... I don't know how much I like this twist on his characterization. While it's certainly believable, I think I have a soft spot for him because of his parents and his godfather. Oh well- since it sounds as though you'll be putting him into a relationship with Dom, there has to be hope for his character. I don't think Dom could get over the hurtful things he did to his sister otherwise.

You asked whether or not Dom's funny... Well, I didn't find him overly hilarious in this chapter. He was certainly amusing, though, and the scenes in this chapter weren't particularly humurous, which probably hindered his talents. ;) Unfortunately, I can't really give you any tips on how to write humour as I'm not the greatest at writing it. :P

Your grammar seemed perfectly fine to me! I didn't notice anything off or odd as I was reading through it. The one thing I would be careful about, though, is that you take the time to explain Dom's thoughts and feelings instead of just tossing about dramatic statements all of the time (not that you're doing this- it's just something to be careful about). Exploring the character will help readers feel closer and connect more with Dom during the course of the story and will be especially important as you change his view of Teddy.

All in all, I think that you're off to a good start with an interesting story! Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! It is so, so, so helpful! :) Now I finally know that I'm heading in the right direction with this story!

Haha, yes, there is hope for Teddy. He is not all that bad as Dom makes him out to be-- Dom's got only Vic's side of the story, you know. As for Vic, Dom loves her (even if he acts like immature, rude brat in front of her). He really cares his sister, and I was hoping that it would show in this chapter. That's the reason why he wants to 'save' her from Damon. And of course, there's the ultimate question: Is Damon as bad as Dom says he is? :D Dom is indeed a fun character to write. He's just so bratty and biased! And he's definitely going to get funnier in the next chapters, as the situation gets more and more out of hand. Writing hilarity is the only thing I'm good at, after all. :P

Thank you again for this great review!! :-)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 322
Submit Report: