Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review! Sorry for taking so long to write it!

Oooh- let me just tell you right off the bat that I loved you using this scene as a "starting point" for the story. It's a wonderful beginning to chose because graduation truly can be called "the start of something new". As well, at this point in their lives the war has developped into something worth worrying about (giving you your story) and they have the strength to worry about it.

As well, though I did enjoy your "tell the story backwards" method, I think that this (more usual) method of storytelling will suit the story just as well, or perhaps even better. It will certainly allow you greater ease with the progression of the plot and I'm very interested to see how you will integrate parts of the old version into this one. :)

I liked your characterization of Eleanor in this chapter- she still had a very amusing air about her but she was also irritated and annoyed by the war in a way that clearly explained why she didn't want to participate in it. Her comments about her friends were an excellent way to explore the effects of the war on them as well as give further reasoning behind her distaste to participate in the war.

I really liked the moment between Sirius and Eleanor. It very clearly showed the feelings between them (and Sirius' protectiveness was so very sweet!). On a slightly more practical level, it also showed that Eleanor was in danger just because of her blood status.

I noticed a few typos as I was reading that I'll just point out quickly. To begin, with the phrase "i'll put some grow-your-own warts" you should capitalize the "I" in "I'll" and with the phrase "attention, his body", "His body" should be the start of a new sentence. As well, with the phrase "I associated myself with" I think that the "myself" should be taken out as it makes the flow of the sentence slightly awkward and with the phrase "Bones, some people", "Some people" should be the start of new sentence as well. Then, with the phrase "Its fine" it should be "it's" and with "her friendships with the other Gryffindor girls was disintegrating" I would use either "friendship" or "were" to ensure that the verb conjugation matched the noun.

Your description was great! It was very easy to visualize the scenes, including both the actions of the characters as well as their emotions.

All in all, I think that you're off to a fabulous new start! The story is very interesting and I'm amazed as to the amount of background that you managed to slip smoothly into one chapter! Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that I covered everything in your request. ;)

Author's Response: Hey Roots!

Thank you so much for reviewing this and so sorry for the late response!

I really appreciate your comments that this is an okay spot to start. I was feeling really uneasy with the decision to nix the method i had used to tell the story before- however it is allowing for better character development i'm finding. Also, it gives a bigger view of what the war might have been like and the situations that everyone faced during that time.

I'm happy you liked the part between them. Fluff and romance- intimacy of any kind really i feel are my weakest points in writing and i'm always worried that it'll come off as forced and awkward. However I wanted them to seem like they are already really comfortable with each other and that they have a certain amount of feels between them.

Thank you for pointing those mistakes out! I will be going back and correcting those!! :P

Thank you so much for your review!! ^_^

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 178
Submit Report: