Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review. I'd forgotten that I'd reviewed your story before, but your prologue quickly jogged my memory. :P

Your writing style makes for a very unique (and enjoyable) portrayal of the Marauders. I don't think that I've ever read a story before where Remus started coughing up blood in the middle of the Yule Ball or where Remus made such amusing comments in the middle of the narration. This story is definitely enjoyable and intriguing.

Since we only have stories and memories to base the characters off of, and not concrete sections of canon, I think that you've done a good job of elaborating on the basics of the Marauders-era characters. James and Sirius are funny pranksters and James appears to be interested in Lily... Remus, while certainly not a book-obsessed student, is shy/self-conscious enough in action to make his failure to rein James and Sirius in believable. And Peter's gone home for the holidays, so I don't really have anything to comment on about him. My only suggestion would be to try and relate Remus' thoughts more with his actions. As funny and interesting as his thoughts are, they don't entirely sync up with his actions because while he sounds completely comfortable and confident in himself, he doesn't act that way.

And, is it just my imagination or did you skip a month or so between this chapter and the last? If so (and I apologize if I'm mistaken), I would be careful to write a short transition at the start of the chapter that summarizes the months that have been skipped over. It allows you to move the story along quickly without seeming like you're jumping through time.

Other than that small thing, however, I think that you're doing a great job of moving the plot along while also describing the events in enough detail that it doesn't seem like you're rushing through them. You're also doing a great job of describing the dynamics between the characters (James' gaze after Lily in this chapter really makes me curious about his exact feelings for her...).

Your flow is also good. Now that I've gotten more used to the **headers**, they've become fun and amusing and they don't seem to break up the text as much.

On a smaller, more particular and canon-related note, you introduced Nymphadora Tonks in this chapter as a student at Hogwarts... Even though she doesn't start at the school until several years after Remus has graduated.

All in all, I think that you're continuing to do a good job of writing an interesting story about the Marauders. I'm interested to see where you will take their lives and what these "moments of impact" will be. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 867
Submit Report: