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Review:Sheriff says:
Wow. Not sure I can remember the last time I read a chapter straight through and then instantly hit "Add to Favourites". You have that managed to create that essential "must keep reading", which can only be a good thing.

I like the way it has been structured, although I think I would have split it into two chapters between the prologue and "four years later", for added cliffhanger status. The scene with the magical lily was spot-on in terms of evoking the emotions of the broken men - congrats.

In terms of CC, the only thing that springs to mind is that Devlin seems a lot older than four in the first scenes - his thoughts and language fit to the way I'd write a seven or eight year old, at least, but if he is a "special child" then perhaps it all fits.

Spelling & Grammar: "device" rather than "devise" in terms of the pensieve, and "lilies" is the plural form of "lily".

I look forward to the next chapter!


Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for your review!

It was originally more than one chapter, but this is a rewrite of the original story and I guess I just wanted to get a lot out to move on more quickly (it has a sequel that I am trying to rewrite as well). Plus, HPFF has a waiting period and I hate to leave too much of a cliffhanger for people when I can't alleviate their impatience quickly.

The lily scene was of course inspired by the Snape scene in the movie, and I am so glad it worked as I wanted.

About Devlin seeming older - do you mean in the torture scene, kidnap scene, or lily scene?
Devlin is a child that easily memorizes 'phrases' (I'm a pre-k teacher and kids who can do this have always fascinated me). I felt like I handled his 'lines' as realistically as I could and with his thought pattern - well I took it upon myself to elaborate so that we could all understand. I feel that children are able to make such conclusions, but they probably wouldn't be as beautiful in their structure as I have made Devlin's. Using a four year old thought pattern would be pretty tedious to read, I think. That said, he's clever.
And a werewolf, which I felt lent a certain 'instinct' to him that another four year old might have lacked in their fear. In the lily memory I tried to link his phrase or gesture to somewhere he had learned it, through Harry's perspective.

Thanks for the spelling and grammar notes - I'll fix them right away.

The next chapter should be out as soon as they approve it and I'll put the next one into the 'waiting line' today.

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