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Review:peppersweet says:
Hey, here from review tag!

This story is quite an interesting take on a plot I've seen often - I don't mean it's cliche at all, because you've avoided cliche simply in your choice of characters. Quite often, I think, people would make Rose the bride, and then another one of the Weasley girls (or boys!) the jealous one at the wedding. So it's interesting to see a switch in characters and have Lily marrying Scorpius instead.

One comment I'd make is that Rose's narration seems a little melodramatic at times. I feel like you've written her as someone who's quite pragmatic and logical, and although she is in a desperate situation in this story, her sudden thought of 'I should just end it all' seems quite jarring in the middle.

I was also going to comment about how uncharacteristic Scorpius' decision to abandon Lily was, but, I see what you did there :P

I have to confess that I didn't like Scorpius or Rose much in this story at all. Scorpius seems like a bit of a prat, if I'm honest, and I just sort of wanted to tell Rose to pull herself together...if anything, I felt for Lily the most. She seemed to have done nothing wrong to get all that ill will from Rose! I know the middle section wasn't 'real', but I think you made a very important point there about Lily taking after Harry in her selflessness. While you took your time with Rose, it would have been interesting to see more depth to Scorpius and perhaps more of Lily in this fic.

Aside from that, your writing is pretty good in this. Your grammar is near perfect (unusual in fanfiction!) and I like how you use short sentences at the start of Rose's narration to show how broken her mental state was.

And one final thing that made me laugh: when Rose imagined that Scorpius was kissing her, I noticed that you hadn't written Albus as leaving the room so I was just like 'Albus is okay with watching this...?'

Good job! ♥

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am a little surprised that you chose this story to review as most people skip over this one, but I am glad anyway :)

I tried to avoid the cliche, hence the character-switch :) Its good to know it interested you!

I was attempting to write mere streams of thought-processes and thus it sounded a little abrupt I guess. I'll see what I can do about it though if I edit this.

Haha it was definitely very unrealistic and uncharacteristic, which is why it was a dream xP

Hmm this was all from Rose's POV so I tried to portray things as to how SHE would see them, and to her Scorp was definitely being a prat (for marrying Lily, if nothing) and her main attention was on Scorpius, thus little attention on Lily (which is sad, I know).

I am glad you liked my writing. And grammar is near perfect really? I do try my best, but I am not sure I am near perfect xP

Haha I didn't quite think about Al being in the room too! But well it gave some comic relief and it was a dream after all, lol.

Thanks!


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