Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Ravenclaw Secret Santa says:
Oh my goodness! A chapter from Severus's point of view? I wasn't expecting that! I had just started to assume that all the chapters would be from Beth's POV, but it does make sense to switch it up from time to time. Plenty of books do that.

I know I've said in a previous review that Snape has never been a favorite character of mine, that I've never liked him much, but that I do understand why he's fascinating. I don't think that opinion of mine will ever change. However, even though I do not like him, I do sometimes like reading about him, if he is portrayed sensitively and realistically as he is here. As unpleasant and selfish as he may have been, it is not so difficult to feel sympathy toward him.

It's especially true at this point in his life, when he's basically just a confused, awkward teenager. Most of us can probably relate to feeling that way, so the sympathy comes to the surface quite readily, even if we may disapprove of him (not that he's exactly done anything so far in this story to disapprove of, other than being nosy).

What I really was building up to saying was this: I think you did a good job of portraying how Severus felt about Lily and James, as well as showing his overall social awkwardness. He's developing as an interesting character in his own right in this story.

A very minor criticism (or maybe I should say observation): A paragraph describing Severus taking the book off the shelf and finding a chair used the word "retreated" three times, which seemed repetitive.

As do most people, I have a few pet peeves when it comes to fanfiction (actually, fiction in general). One of these is the plot device of the collision or near-collision to bring two characters together in an encounter, often leading up to romance later in the story. It's just so easy to overdo this situation and turn it into something stupid and ridiculous where the characters fall into the ground and gaze into each other's eyes and . . . gag me.

However, I cannot completely dismiss the scenario, because in real life, we do sometimes nearly collide with people coming around corners or out doors and so forth. So it's not entirely unrealistic. If not overdone, it can work out all right. I think you did pull it off well here, although I will probably always cast a suspicious and critical eye over such scenarios. :P There was no sudden rush of romantic feelings, no accidental groping as a result of falling to the floor, etc. There was a brief awkward and embarrassed conversation, which fits the already-established pattern and serves to further the plot, as Beth and Severus must continue to interact if this is to go anywhere.

I think I've probably rambled enough about that, so I'll go on to the next chapter. I have to say, I am actually looking forward to the next chapter from Severus's POV, but for now I'm wondering if we'll hear Beth's take on the near collision.

Author's Response: Yes! I wrote an entire novel from one point of view, further down on the page, and expected this whole book to be written from Beth's view as well. But it worked better to have Severus tell this bit, and now, of course, I know I couldn't have ever told this story without his input. There are a lot of people who tell this story, now: Beth, Severus, James, Sirius, Dumbledore, and Peter all get their shots, in this book or the next one.

I hear you there about Snape, though, and I think it's interesting: I love him BECAUSE he's so fascinating, while you think he's the latter in spite of not meeting the former. He walks a careful, fine line between good and evil, and sometimes sets one foot on one side or the other, which only serves to conflict him further. I'm so happy you think that I got his views right, and especially those of Lily and James. Early in this story, at least, it's crucial to get that right; one of my main goals for this was providing him with a realistic alternate love interest, while at the same time explaining the Lily factor.

And thank you for catching that typo! ;) I've corrected it now. As for the near-collision, I can't remember now why I thought it was a good idea to include it (and, more likely than not, it was TRULY needed), and I'm happy you seem to think I've pulled it off. Trust me, there really aren't going to be any surges of romantic affection here at all. Not my style! And ugh, accidental groping... can't even imagine that happening. I think you'll come to agree with me!

I think the next chapter from Severus's point of view is number 12, so I'm excited for you to get there! :3 Thank you so, so much for these Christmas reviews, and I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the story thus far! ♥


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 534
Submit Report: