Surely Mary-Sue's don't need more love? Surely everyone loves them already? This looks like such an intriguing story and I'm excited to read it!
I'm only three paragraphs in and I like it so far. Her ridiculous name is perfect - that's such a cliche to read these days, isn't it? 'My name is x, but call me y'.
And your description. Her perfect clothes, her perfect hair, her alabaster skin. Being a student of both fine art and history of art, I get to think about alabaster a lot. And I think that if someone had alabaster skin, well, I'm not sure I'd like that. Pretty restrictive on movement, you know? These little details you've put in are making me giggle a little bit.
(And the giggling was all very refined until I lost it at 'Ultimus Prime')
Anyway, like I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself with a laughing fit - I love your little details. Stuff like And that was alright because the Slytherin rules stated very specifically that everyone in their house must maintain (and exploit, whenever possible) unresolved family issues. - this line has got to be one of my favourites. Every Draco story, everywhere also follows these rules. I'm as guilty as the next person!
Her lover is called Roderick. Snorrrt.
Also, I like how your Mary-Sue is kind of unconventional, in a way. Or at least she seems so to me. I think the current trend in fanfiction Mary-Sues is to have a rebel, who can somehow get away with having pink hair and 'accidentally' making her love interest explode every day with only the most minor of dententions and a lot of popularity. So I like how Peony's Mary-Sueness comes from her blithe optimism and academic achievement. In my mind, I'm picturing Taylor Swift in a modest flowery frock skipping around scattering rose petals in the corridors like a Disney Princess.
I lost it again at the Azkaban care packages. Because when you're in prison, slowly being driven out of your mind, all you need is a big fuzzy box of yummy loveliness. Egads! Is Peony the sort of girl who throws tea parties and owns Cath Kidson stationery?
I know girls just like this and I think this is why I'm giggling/snorting so much at this story. Peony is perfect. Both in that she's a Mary-Sue, and in that she's a goodMary-Sue.
This was an excellent first chapter. I think when people go for parody, they tend to go all-out (I'm massively guilty of this), but this is a really sweet and quite subtle parody. It's not laugh-out-loud knee-slappingly hilarious, but in a good way. You've taken time with proper plot as well as light-hearted comedy and some subtle sending-up of The Perfect OC, and for that I take my hat off to you.
Good job! ♥
Author's Response: Eeehehehehee!
I haven't personally used "alabaster" to describe skin in my stories until this one... yet. I've heard it done many times. In fact, when I was younger, and much less sun-kissed, my own mother used "alabaster" to describe my skin as a little girl... and I did NOT make that up. By the way, I took a Greek Art and Archaeology class in college, so I know where you're coming from with this. It made me smile.
Ultimus Prime!!! That's all I have to say about that. Isn't it a great name for a messenger eagle??
It is SO TRUE about the unresolved family issues. Not just with Draco stories, but with all family-related angst stories. It's what makes them stories, after all. I'm not saying it's WRONG, I'm just saying... y'know. I'm not an angsty person in general. One day, I'll have to write my own serious angst story and try it out. But for Peony, it's just a rule that she has to follow so she can still be perfect and angsty at the proper times without appearing mean-hearted... because she's following the rules... because she's perfect... anyway...
Roderick. If I had given him rhotacism, it would have been funnier, but I couldn't figure out how to write that in without it coming across as really mean. I had to draw the line somewhere.
Cath Kidson... had to look that up and... absolutley!! That's HER. OMG! If I had only known. And yes, I think that I have known a few girls that came close to being just like Peony, sans timeturner and messenger eagle, but if they had KNOWN about them, they would have at least pretended to have one somewhere in their holiday accessory closet.
Anyway, thanks so much for the delightful review. I do hope you have the chance to waste precious moments on chapter two and PLEASE let me know what you think, good or bad.