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Review:Secret Santa! says:
Ho Ho!
So... Santa's a little late. There were a few deliveries/runaway elves that needed taking care of.. but SANTA has ARRIVED!

So, can I firstly say that I really enjoyed your opening chapter? The story summary gripped me from the beginning, and I spent the entire chapter going 'oh no, oh no, oh no'. Which was just made worse as I grew to like Alice.

There were so many details that just made your story that little more realistic. For example, telling the 'healer' all the symptoms... and then they walk out so that the real healer can walk in and ask the same questions! :P

I really loved the relationship beween Alice and Frank - it was extremely sweet and it was clear he took on the 'over-protective' brother role. I felt sorry for Bailey - she obviously has some issues going on (which will probably be escalated when Alice's illness becomes diagnosed) and she didn't seem as close to her siblings as the others were. (Alice had Frank and the twins have each other).

Criticism? Err... There's always room for improvement... but I'm struggling here :P Perhaps the characters might feel more sympathetic or worried towards Alice if she's experiencing such pain.

But other than that, a brilliant start to what sounds like an intriguing story! I can't wait for more! Ho Ho!

Author's Response: Haha, Hi Santa! :D

Oh, thank you! I'm glad you liked the first chapter! I think that's important because it sets a nice tone for the rest of the story :)

Haha yeah, that happens to me all the time! It's so annoying! I'm glad you enjoyed it though :p

I'm glad you liked their relationship :) I think it's a pretty important one for this story and I love writing for them because I'm actually the oldest in my family and would have loved to have an older brother lol

Yeah, Bailey's got some problems... You'll find out more about her later, but she's at the "I don't care about anything" stage in her life :P

Alright, thanks, I'll keep that part in mind!

I'm so happy you like it and I hope you do keep on reading :D thanks for the lovely review, Santa!


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