Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hello again! This is review eight of ten. I'm taking a break after this one to answer some of my own reviews, but I'll be back to finish before January 1st.

I loved the beginning of this chapter, with Amelia spying on James and his girlfriend. I can definitely see some trouble brewing there, and I bet James would be happier with someone more low-maintenance, like... oh, I don't know... Amelia? Haha. It was cute how she got so distracted that she almost forgot about her rounds.

I also liked the little "date" that was set up for Albus! That love letter was great--I'm assuming you wrote it yourself, and I thought you did an awesome job. At first I thought that we were going to see the beginnings of Albus's romantic relationship with Mariah here, but the prank was a funny surprise. I can't help but wonder when things will take a more serious turn with those two.

One thing I've noticed throughout the story is that sometimes the dialogue doesn't sound perfectly realistic. I think I've mentioned this before, but it can help to observe people in real life and watch how they speak. I don't know what your nationality is, so part of this could be cultural differences. I'm American, and it just seems to me like a normal teenager would be more likely to say 'how should I know?' rather than 'how am I meant to know?' for instance. Sometimes it can also help to read things out loud to yourself and see if you could imagine yourself talking that way at around that age.

Nice work so far! I'll be back later to finish up :)

~*your slytherin secret santa*~

Author's Response: I'm so happy that you want James and Amelia to get together, she is a lot better then his girlfriend, definately low maintenance like you said :D

Oh yeah I wrote that love letter myself, how could you tell? haha. That took me a good hour to write that, it was hard to think of rhyming words and cheesiness (not sure that's how you spell that word :-S) so thank you for thinking it was awesome :D
Things will take a more serious turn just after the christmas holidays for them, something's going to happen to change them and make them realise their feelings for each other.

I'm from England :D With the dialogue I just write the things how I would say them, I quite often say, "How am I meant to know?" haha, but I shall observe people and how they speak, that is a great idea so thank you for suggesting it :D

Yay! I am loving these reviews! :D


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 527
Submit Report: