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Review:academica says:
Hi! I'm back for another round of reviews! This one is number five of ten, all in the name of Secret Santa :)

I really liked the interaction between Adam and Amelia. They seem like the typical brother and sister: they pick on each other and don't usually get along, but they're willing to help one another out when the person really needs it. Hopefully Adam can help Amelia work on her Potions mark.

One thing I noticed is that the flow doesn't seem quite right in parts of this chapter. I think it has to do with the way you described Albus and Scorpius's interaction as if it had already occurred earlier. The use of past tense seems a little awkward. I think it would sound better if you allowed the interaction to play out in real time and just gradually brought the chapter through the events of the first day (when Albus is in the hospital) and into the second day.

I also noticed some issues with comma use here; I think I've pointed this out in previous reviews. You tend to use them when they're not needed (for example, instead of a period or to break up a run-on sentence) and don't include them when they might be appropriate (e.g., in the natural breaks where you would take a breath if speaking). There's probably a tutorial on the forum that could help with this issue.

It'll be interesting to see what sort of trouble Albus and Mariah get into next. This was a nice chapter!

~*your Slytherin secret santa*~

Author's Response: Hello there! yay you're back :D I love Secret Santa :D

I'm so happy that they seem like regular brothers and sisters, I was trying to think how me and my brother act around each other, and I must say that Adam and Amelia seem to be a lot nicer to each other haha. So it's not totally based on me and my brother at all, it's like the opposite.

I really need to work on my past and present tense :S Thank you for the suggestion, that is a really good idea. You are seriously helping me out big time with these reviews, I'm so happy that you're saying these things as they're helping me out as a writer. Thank you!

I really need to look at that tutorial, comma's seem to be the bane of my exsistence at the moment haha. I never know when to use too much or not enough, or to put a full stop there.

Thank you so much :D You're such a big help to me and I really appreciate it :D and I'm so glad that you liked this chapter.


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