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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hello, Elphaba here again! :)

Okay, plot-wise, I think the first section with the detective drags a little bit. There are still some very funny lines, like this one: "... Hagrid's low blood sugar will not allow him to miss a meal. The excessive lip twitching of the staff alone would cause my eyes to roll in the back of my head, and I need them to stay where they are." I think this section would flow better if it some of the extraneous details could be pruned, especially the paragraph where Terrence is looking for the kitchens.

The story picks up once Peony comes back into the picture. I especially like the Muggle Studies class, and your depiction of the incident where Neville asks Carrow how much muggle blood she has in her bloodline. I like that Peony questions the rules without breaking from her generally clueless nature.

It's clear from all the perfect details in your writing you that you know the Potterverse extremely well. The only "error" I've noticed so far is a very small one: you mention "Peeves' ghost" when Peeves is a poltergeist. The difference is subtle, but the way I understand it is that he's never been a living person, but always a spirit.

In the final section, I like how you play with the "Draco in leather pants" cliche, and also how you throw in the not-yet-invented FTW.

Peony has remained consistently, lovably clueless so far, which I love! :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I should probably tighten up that section with the detective. That makes all kinds of sense. Thanks!

The point that you bring up about Peeves is an interesting one. I've never really thought about it, but I think it's a valid one, and, with Peony's "perfect" character, I suppose she would definitely make a point of calling him by his "technical" term instead of using a more generic description. I will have to think about that.

If you're still finding Peony lovable after all this, I guess I didn't do half bad. :)

Thanks again for a great review!


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