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Review:The Hegemon says:
Again, a nice look at the Black sisters when they were young. Here I had no trouble matching the chapter title to the text; in fact, I really liked the idea of Bellatrix and Andromeda having matching necklaces. I think it was a good motion, a good symbol, and cute that Andromeda gave Cissy a blue ribbon as well. It spoke a lot about Andromeda's character that she wanted to find a necklace worthy of Bellatrix; it shows how much awe she still has for her. As an older sibling myself, this was a nice insight into the mind of a younger sibling.

You did a good job describing what it was like to get on the train, and it was interesting to see again how the Black name seemed to hold so much prestige. People even respected Bellatrix at such a young age! There are so many possibilities for such a theme, it's really great.

I would like to see more things happening as the story moves forward. Since this is a collection of smaller stories, you don't need to set things up quite so much as you would a novel. Now that we've had two chapters of the younger girls, with fairly straightforward plots, I'd like to see some more exciting things. Maybe that's just my personal preference, I don't know. But one of the great things about collections of moments is that you can throw together a lot of exciting scenes without all the necessary filler in between, and that's definitely something you can take advantage of here. Obviously there are finer pacing details that I haven't gotten into, but what I'm saying is, I'm ready to be surprised. I'm ready for an insight, or a twist, or something exciting to keep pulling me inward.

I would also warn not to get too heavy on the "sisters" theme. It's pretty obvious that that's what you're going for here, so take care that you don't emphasize it too much or it will start to bang us over the heads. As long as you involve at least two of the three sisters in one chapter, or even just one while mentioning the others, we'll get the picture. ;)

Great start here, hope you keep updating! Happy holidays!

Author's Response: I'm a younger sister myself, so connecting to that part of the dynamic is much easier for me. :) I do think that all younger sisters look up to their older siblings quite a bit.

Pacing's something that isn't always my strongest suit, so thank you for the advice! From here on out, I do have all of the chapters planned, and hopefully that will help move things along a bit, and that I'll be able to stick to the essentials instead of having to stick filler in.

Duly noted! :) The next few chapters will be focusing more on each of the individual girls (although the others will make appearances) so hopefully that will work.

Thank you so much! I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing this (and writing in general) so hopefully I can continue soon.


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