|Review:||Andrew Wiggin says:|
I think you've got a good start going here, for sure. Like with all stories about the three black sisters, it's good to establish a base first, where we can see them simply, as little girls, only shadows of what they'll become. As someone who has attempted similar things before, especially with Bellatrix and the occasional Andromeda, I know it's fun to try and find ways to inject their personalities into the frames of little girls.
I enjoyed Bella and Andys relationship in particular; they almost had a dance going, where one would say something and the other would contradict it, but they always settled into some sort of agreement. Andy definitely had a degree of power over the bossier Bella, which is an interesting dynamic I hope you enjoy further. At the same time, Bella convinced Andy to do some things during which I got the sense that Andy wouldn't have had the guts to initiate herself. Cissy was a smaller character, to me, as she was almost too small to see the Narcissa she'd one day become. But you did a good job with her as well, I liked the stubbornness.
I'd encourage you to play with these dynamics if you continue writing, adding to and layering them as the girls grow. If you're ever stuck in a scene, I'd bet that if you returned here, you could find several reminders of how you envisioned the girls from the get-go.
I also liked the two mentions of "because we're Blacks." That's a big idea that you can definitely stretch throughout the entire collection of stories, and a really interesting mindset to have. One might think that the reason Bellatrix was so insane later in life was because she believed she believed she was immune to even the most basic things, like pain, because of her heritage.
If you ever feel like working on this chapter, I think some more detail wouldn't be terrible. You described things nicely, but there were few things that leapt out at me. For instance, I thought the idea of faint pops indicating traveling house elves was really cool, and completely realistic. However, lush gardens and untamed forests are pretty expectable, if you know what I mean.
I'm also having some trouble connecting the chapter name to the chapter content. You mentioned creamy petals at the end, which looked like it was intended, but other than that, the chapter title didn't hold any meaning for me. If you were to say, for example, that creamy white is the color of innocence and the girls are innocent at this point in their lives, then I might see things better. Just a thought.
So, great start here! I'll be interested to see what you do with chapter two! Happy holidays!
Author's Response: Writing the sisters as young girls was definitely an interesting challenge, but I do think that it is important, as you said, to establish a base. I think it is a bit easier for me to try and picture Bellatrix and Andromeda than Narcissa, especially as she was the youngest. I always pictured Bella and Andy being the closest of the three, though of course, we know that they eventually fall out.
My hope is that as I continue, I'll get a better sense of who they are and hopefully that will be shown in the story. :) They're definitely complex characters as are their relationships with each other, which is a bit daunting, but I do think it'll be fun to explore.
I think that Bellatrix probably did have a sense of entitlement that followed her throughout her life that stemmed from her family and her upbringing as a pureblood. I think she has does have a scary amount of confidence in pureblood superiority, and that probably did start with what she was taught when she was young.
I really would like to go back and edit this chapter because I know it could be better, so thank you so much for your suggestions - they're incredibly helpful! And thank you for leaving such a lovely and detailed review!