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Review:Your Secret Santa says:
Hi again.

Hope you had a good christmas.

When I read the summary to this story, I was afraid it would be too heavy and dark for me. That's usually how funeral scenes are, but not yours. Somehow you managed to, once again, not over-do-it, but keep it dark enough too make me feel it. I'm actually crying right now. Exactly six years ago (on this exact date) I lost a close family member, and you actually managed to make me feel everything I felt that day (and that's a good thing for your story). I'm just so blown away by your ability to create this mood, and make me feel it myself. Just WOW!


I also have to mention that I love how you begin this story. That first line "I'm not convinced it's not a dream" pretty much sums up how a lot of people feel when they loose someone close to them, and it drew me in. I wanted to find out more. I also love how you don't mention who's dead until the end, because it makes me wanna keep reading to find out. You slowly unfold the story, and you do it in a really good way. That great imagery you have in the second paragraph is just wow. I can't even describe it. I could totally see her in my head. You are really good at this!

I also love Molly. Writing about a person after someone close to them has died is actually really hard, because a lot of people change their personality when they loose someone they love. Molly makes a good narrative, and seems like a strong character. I love how she almost seems in denial, because that's really realistic. I also love how it almost seems like she is a bit lost, like she doesn't really know why this happened, and can't really seem to understand it. That's also very realistic.

This is just really good. I look forward to the next chapter, and to finding out what happened to Lucy and find out Molly's relationship with the rest of her family (as well as Lucy). Nice job. 10/10

- Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I know, funeral scenes can be so over dramatic and staged and i didn't want that. I also really sorry about your loss, I know how it is to loose family and it's a hard experience. :( trying to incorporate grief into a story is hard because, as you've said, there is a balance between overdoing it but also getting that emotion there. I used that experience with my family member and my employer (who i was fairly close to) who died a few months before i wrote this and I think I drew a lot on that experience and the sounds and feelings of the place.

I'm glad you liked the mystery of it. I've gotten the impression from some readers that it's too confusing that it's distracting not to know who it is. However, it's good to hear when a choice you've made while writing is a good one.

I'm really glad you liked how i started this chapter and i'd love to hear your thoughts on it as it continues if you chose to come back and read it XD.

-zayne


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