Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Your Gryffie Secret Santa is back for more!

Wow. Not the most eloquent way to start a review, but it will have to do.

Something changed between the last chapter and this one. For the first two chapters, I felt like you were struggling a bit to figure out what you wanted to say. Some things felt a little forced, a lot of it felt kind of clipped and it read like you were in a hurry. Suddenly, in this chapter, it felt like you slowed down and really found your rhythm. The narrative flowed so smoothly and the characters' voices sounded so vivid and realistic. The beginning of a story is always the hardest part to write, I think.

The description of Platform 9 3/4 got things off to a great start. It was an instantly recognizable scene and very easy to immerse myself in. The sense of wonder and confusion and trying to find one's way around that you created fit perfectly. Phoebe's feelings of isolation and the way the other students look at her -- both as a muggle-born and as a first-year -- seemed just right.

Ha! She's not the only one who's feeling a little lost, it seems. I love that somebody tricked Tonks into thinking that you could apparate just by running really fast. What a great prank to play on an unaware first-year!

This is probably the youngest portrayal I've ever read of Bill Weasley except for one story where he was 3. I can definitely see shades of the character that he will become: being the responsible older brother, being somewhat precocious with his magic and being very interested in things he doesn't quite understand, like Tonks's abilities.

Charlie comes off a little rude and obnoxious, but I'm sure he'll have time to grow on me.

The only thing I might have done differently in this chapter would be to not have Phoebe spill everything about her past right away. You have so many other things going on in this chapter, I think you could have held onto that conversation for a little while and used it to much better dramatic effect later on. It also felt just a bit strange to see her baring her soul to all of these people that she's just met. It's not a huge thing, but it's really the best suggestion I have from this chapter.

Like I said at the outset, it felt to me like something really clicked for you in this chapter. Your writing got a lot more smooth and I really started to get into the flow of things. Nicely done!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 904
Submit Report: