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Review:Secret Santa Strikes Again says:
Hi again!

I've really enjoyed this chapter. You can feel Rose so clearly in this chapter. Her emotions, problems, and misgivings. It's an excellent start.

What i really like about this was how you meshed together the flashbacks and Rose's thinking. It just seemed to work with her personality to be focussed on the past and all her insecurities or uncertainties. It really helped show who she is as a character and where Teddy and her stood as a couple. It seems very much up in the air at the moment and although they've been together for a while (to the point she's thinking of marriage or at least, changing her last name) it seems like she is at the core insecure of what they have. This all seemed really realistic to me and you've handled talking about the complicated mess of her relationships in a nice way that made it easy to follow.

I really like your portrayal of Rose. I like that she seems older in spirit than body. She's a lot different from what i've read before and she seems like Hermione's daughter here. Not a replica of course of Hermione but one that seems could have had her as a mother. I hope that makes sense. I also like Teddy. Although we haven't seen much of him so far I like the idea that he is a tortured poet and i like how you referred back to the Blacks and how they had no luck and yet she had been with both of them. It seemed to hint to something for later in the story maybe?

I noticed a tiny little spelling error - you spelled accurate as accurat at some point. :P

Another thing I could point out is that I love you use of details, it makes your story so vibrant and alive and i've always been a fan of that. However, you also have the tendency to have really long sentences and those long sentences seem to be packed with loads of details that the picture of what your describing gets lost. The only thing i'd suggest is cleaning that up a bit and shortening some of the sentences and this story will be a lot easier to read. Keep most of the details because the details are lovely and wonderful and help give this story a really deep feeling.

Anyway, I did really enjoy this and this is a good start on this story!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing this story! :D It's the story I'm most uncertain about, so hearing any feedback on it is a wonderful treat. Although it will eventually have a plot, the thing I'm struggling with is setting the scene. Unlike my other stories, there is no set genre or style from which I'm building - there's no mystery to solve, no romance to make happen. It's just about life, and Merlin, is that a tough subject!

Rose's middle name is insecure, I swear. Much of the story will be about her overcoming those insecurities, which have only increased since her return from China. There, she had more purpose and structure to her life - working as an apprentice suited her well - but back in England, she's her own boss, and it's something she still has to grow into. But it means feeling for a long while that she's never good enough, that she's always lacking in what it will take to make her successful and happy. With Teddy, she's almost certain, but she's afraid to put a name to it, as though doing so will bring back luck to their relationship. She wants so badly for things to work out that her behaviour is actually causing harm - she's being too careful, too hesitating. I'm glad that her characterization is realistic - I know that Rose may be annoying to some readers, but it's important to me that she suffers from the same problems that many women her age do. Perhaps it's a sort of "writing as therapy" for myself, but even if not, creating characters who are as actual people is crucial for a story like this.

Thanks for pointing out that typo! The word looks funny without the E. XD I'll get that fixed right away.

Long sentences will be the death of me. I wish I knew why I write them - my only excuse is that I have an aversion to periods. :P But I'll keep your suggestion in mind for future chapters. It's something I really have to work on because the clarity of the story is at stake. Having pretty sentences is nice and all, but it shouldn't detract from the actual story.

*hugs* Thank you very much! Your reviews are perfect!


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