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Review:Gryffie Secret Santa says:
Ho, ho, ho! Your Gryffie Secret Santa is back again!

It seems that Phoebe's mother -- possibly also her father -- has left her fairly well-to-do. Another interesting piece to the puzzle of her past. I was wishing that she would have spent a little more time poking around inside of her vault, exploring what else might have been left to tell us a bit more about her parents. Then again, I guess that would have ruined the surprise. And it wouldn't do to keep Professor McGonagall waiting. ;)

It seems pretty obvious that the onyx necklace is significant somehow. McGonagall's astrological interpretation seemed to have a clue or two buried in it somewhere, even if she does believe that divination is nonsense. Once again you slipped into McGonagall's narrative voice for a moment while they're in Gringott's. It's not a horrible thing to do, but as I mentioned before it can get a bit confusing. I think it could have been better managed by having Phoebe notice a momentary frown pass over the Professor's face before she answers her question. Letting us see inside McGonagall's thoughts spoils the mystery just a bit.

Phoebe's visit to Olivander's was very reminiscent of Harry's, I thought. She's worried about messing up somehow and the wands don't seem to cotton to her right away. Until he finds the right one. Whenever I hear walnut, I automatically think of Bellatrix. Hopefully Phoebe won't wind up like that!

Her conversation with her step-mother was definitely a bit strained. It obviously wasn't horrible or anything, but money is clearly an issue for her step-parents. I wasn't wild about the idea that the Ministry had an employee in "nearly every business". The wizarding population of Britain isn't that large, and it seemed like something that would put their secrecy at dire risk.

Heather's unusual feelings of attachment to Phoebe were interesting. Her affection is mixed with a measure of guilt and a lot of curiosity. Some things about her step-daughter she seems to know intuitively, like the fact that the girl's mother left her in their care.

Certain parts of the section I also found kind of strange. The idea that Heather would have had such difficulty understanding what had happened with Phoebe if she came from a family 4 witches, for instance. Why wouldn't she have asked her sisters whether the knew anything about a witch with a newborn who suddenly went missing? It's a smaller thing, but the idea of packing 2 months in advance just sounded odd.

It was sad to see Phoebe's step-mother so broken up over her departure, though. And her brother clearly cares about her a great deal, trying his best to ease the tension for them all. And then she disappears onto Platform 9 3/4 and into a whole new world.

Your writing was very nice overall. I only saw a couple of typos that I can think of. I do suggest that you try to be consistent with your narrative voice within each section. That would make things easier to follow for me.

If you have a moment, I'd love for you to respond to my reviews and let me know whether they've been helpful. I just don't want to be focusing on some things when you're more interested in others. Back again soon!

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