Hey there. I'm here with the first of my several Christmas present reviews that I planned on leaving you. I know it's not yet Christmas Eve but there's a high possibility I won't be around the forums that day and I didn't want to start my holidays without making other people a little happier for the holidays :)
So here I am with my second review for this promising story. I really enjoy the fact that at least the first two chapters are written in different POV's (haven't yet read nor even looked at the others to be certain of this). After starting reading "Game of Thrones" which you must know is written in several different characters point of view, I came to enjoy this style a lot. It allows for a wider comprehension of the story and best of all permits us to gain a deeper understanding of how the characters "work". We can empathize with them easier when we get to see what their thought process is, what their feelings stir inside them, etc. It's a fascinating style and I was pleasantly surprised to see that you've adopted it (again, as I have seen only for the first two chapters as of yet).
One of the reasons I keep coming back to your stories is because you have a talent that I want to learn (or steal :P) from you and that would be description. I like how you devote special attention even to minor details such as landscapes, or other times a character's look, and above else to a character's inner world. I find your tendency to linger on the description of a characters feelings mesmerizing, not to mention beneficial for the story itself. It's so so much easier to put ourselves in the other character's shoes if we are shown how they feel, why they do what they do, what are their reasons, motivations, purposes. It's one of the aspects that I enjoy most of your writing style :)
I don't know if you know yet but as of late I am surprising myself that I'm not that interested in romance stories anymore (except Snily's ofc :D). However, this chapter there was a specific scene, a specific depiction of Lily and James that made my stomach flutter (and that does not happen often because I am a die hard Snape/Lily shipper). Namely " "Have you ever tried these?"
Lily turned to find James Potter standing at her side. She almost didn't recognize him, however, because he was wearing a timid, genuine-looking smile in place of his usual arrogant smirk". I don't know WHY, but there was something about this moment that made me melt inside. It could be because this is the first time I've read a moment in a ff where James and Lily get along and could well signify the beginning of their love story. Keeping the scene simple brought so much emotion to it. Very well done!
I've looked at the dialogue tags and punctuation for dialogue but I can't say there's been any mistake done. If there is any I might have overlooked it but overall I think you're doing fine with that :)
Anyways, on to the next review! Happy Holidays!
Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks again for the lovely review :)
Well, this story is mainly focused from Lily's and Regulus's POVs, with the other characters acting as little background snippets where appropriate. In these first few chapters, I tried to sort of alternate who got the most "screen time," so to speak, but it gets a bit more muddled as Lily and Regulus begin to interact more and events unfold later on in the story.
I'm glad you like the description and feel like I've written the characters' emotions well. Since I'm a psychologist in training, I would hope to be able to provide an accurate and meaningful picture there, so that's great to hear!
I really like James and Lily in this story, and normally I don't, but this kind of innocent fluff is irresistible. I tried to stay far away from the love-hate screaming matches I find in so many other stories of this era. Lily's interactions with Severus are a bit more awkward, to say the least, but I've got a fluffier scene coming up for them as well. He's got to step up and try to honestly earn her affection at some point, right?
Thanks again for stopping by :)