Hey, there, this would be Wistful from the forums shooting you that review you requested! c:
After I read this, I just thought how this really was such a sweet story. I really adore the Teddy/Victoire ship and this one-shot of them was absolutely great. This story really put those emotions of asking someone out perfectly, and I could see completely Teddy rather nervous with those butterflies in his stomach. This really portrayed how your average teenager feels about a girl with those lovely descriptions and that fabulous humor. I found myself laughing at some of Teddy's thoughts.
Your narration from Teddy's point of view appeared really in character to me. He was just a normal guy with problems, and I really love how you saw him like that and put that into your writing. He is consistently in character - never suddenly moving fro m one thing to another. That was another thing I really loved from this one shot. I loved how you managed to keep it flowing smoothly without any rough transitions that would leave your readers stumbling all over it. I personally find humor hard to put in the way you did it, but you got it so natural and everyday which was really fabulous! I just have to point how that you really kept your author's voice consistent through the whole chapter. :3
On another point, you were wondering about if the story seemed complete or not and of the interest, right? My opinion? I think you did. This was a sweet story covering Teddy asking Victoire to Hogmeade and you've seemed to cover all the fronts and angles. As a reader, I felt I was right there watching it all happen with this smile on my face. I especially loved the ending - it really connected the start to the end. This can be really important in one-shot's but you've got it together. As for the interest, I would definitely say that this was just a lovely bit of work and definitely seems interesting to me.
I would change the summary a little though. It kind of put me off but that could always be a personal thing. Also, maybe go a little more into other characters as well? I always like when an author smoothly has a few other characters that clearly tie into the plot. I don't mean have a random bloke chatting with Teddy on the subject of Quidditch but maybe a little situation that reminds Teddy of his own and gets him to have enough courage to consider asking or maybe just a mate encouraging him or trying reverse psychology.
This was absolutely amazing and really made me smile all the way through. Keep writing! :3
Author's Response: OMG! Such an awesome review! *squeals*
I adore this ship so much as well! And they seem like a ship that is just so well suited to fluff as well (this may be a little biased - I adore fluff. I think it's the best thing in the world)! And I'm really happy that you thought that this was a little funny! I like to think I can write humour, but it's really encouraging that you thought it was funny as well! Yay!
I'm happy that you liked Teddy - and thought he was normal. That's what I was trying to go for. I mean, sure, he's had all these problems, but it's just part of life, and I didn't want those things to define him so starkly. And with his characterisation, I just thought to myself, "If I was a dude, and I suddenly realised that I was in love with my best friend, what would I do?", so it's nice to hear that worked out well! And thank goodness the flow is okay! I have issues with flow and continuity, so I'm really happy that you thought it flowed well!
And yay! You thought my story was complete and interesting! Yay, again! And I wasn't sure about the ending - if it was too repetitive or not, but it's reassuring that you liked it!
And yes - I agree - the summary needs changing (I'm terrible at summaries), so I'll work on that, for sure! And going into other characters could be interesting, actually. Right now, Teddy reads like a bit of a loner, really - it seems he has only one friend!
And thank you so much! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it!