Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here again. Aww, thanks very much for the dedication, by the way. :)

After this chapter, I'm still wondering what game Riddle is up to ... he seems so caring, and I can't believe it. In contrast, I had grown so comfortable with Fee that it was very jarring for her to reveal sentiments like this one: "You do things your way, I do them mine, and eventually we're going to run this country, side by side, and get rid of the filth that taints our world." She's like a sweet old lady who smiles at everyone and then spouts racial or religious intolerance when you sit down to talk with her. I'm assuming this contrast is intended, so well done! :)

It was interesting to learn more about Fee's aspirations as an auror. I hadn't been thinking about Moody at all, so it was a pleasant surprise for him to begin training at the same time as Fee. It'll be interesting to see how they interact, and how they might influence each other. I'm also quite interested to see how Fee gets along with Septimus Weasley. :)

I loved the nonchalant way he dumped the shaking briefcase into his desk, as if this were a routine thing he does every day. :)

A couple of little editing things I noticed:

"Fee answered, staring at the puffs of steam emitting from the scalding liquid intently." I like "intently" should be moved up in the sentence to just before "staring," so that she's "staring intently" at the steam.

In this sentence: "Her skin was porcelain, marred only by freckles so opaque, they could only be noticed if you were looking at her closely." "Opaque" means that the freckles would be dark, completely covering the skin beneath them. From the context of the sentence, I wonder if "light" or "translucent" is what you meant?

Walburga seems to be having her own problems as well; I am beginning to picture the dysfunctional family that Sirius will eventually flee.

Keep up the good writing, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: *squees* Hello there, Elphaba! There's no need to thank me; your reviews are so lovely and helpful that you deserve the dedication! :)

Thank you! Yes, I wanted to display Tom's ability to charm people into doing what he wanted, as we know that that's canon. Furthermore, with regards to Fee, I wanted to remind readers that she's a Slytherin, and she's spent seven years of her life being surrounded by supremacists, so she would have picked up on those attitudes. I think the reason I love her so much is that she's a very complex character! XD

I didn't want Fee to be the only rookie Auror, but at the same time I didn't want to create too many OCs. Remembering that Moody was retired in GOF made me think he was quite old, so I checked and because JKR didn't give him an official date of birth, I used that as an excuse to make him the same age as Fee and co. :P

You'll see much more of Septimus in chapter five, which you're probably reading as I type this, and in chapter eight: "Of Weasels And Ferrets". XD

Thank you for spotting those errors! I'll get right on to fixing them! I was under the impression that "opaque" was a synonym of "transclucent", but evidently not so I'll change that. :D

There is actually a one-shot planned for Walburga set in 1976 that I'm currently writing, which will be posted after chapter seven as it contains spoilers for Sheer Abandon, but can be read as a stand-alone. (Side note: I still can't believe I just created a "Sheer Abandon universe"!)Perhaps you'd like to read it when it's posted? ;)

I will, and thank you! ♥

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net