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Review:ashleydelacour says:
Hello there! Here's your requested review! I didn't realize I actually had it all read, but for whatever reason, didn't write a review when I finished. Anyways, here it is:

I think the characterization of Morgan would make sense in the rest of the chapter, but it seems a complete 180 from the little prologue at the top. You stated that she had no weakness, moved around a lot, and was unattainable. To me personally, that doesn't seem like someone who knows how to socialize well, especially since she's moved around a lot. Being this way isn't bad, but I don't think it is necessarily realistic in her friendliness and openness with Fred and George right off the bat, and I sort of questioned their eagerness to test on someone they met five seconds ago, even though I totally acknowledge that they tested on first years. I just feel like the risk would be too high on a train full of hundreds and hundreds of students.

Apart from the prologue relating to the rest of the chapter, I did like Morgan. She's fun, playful, and I enjoyed her payback with the makeup trick, it sounds like they're all going to be good friends if she came up with that herself.

Other that that conflict, I didn't see anything else wrong with the chapter. I didn't notice any spelling errors, grammar or anything super technical like that, just the inconsistency from the first part to the rest of the chapter.

And regardless of what the other reviewers are saying, I don't really see the issue with the beginning being italicized. In all honesty, I think its appropriate, as it signifies a that what it is is a prelude, so I think it sets up the reader in the state of mind that they're reading a little back story before the present story works.

Its ultimately your story, so you do with it what you wish! :)

-ashleydelacour

Author's Response: Hey, I'm so sorry for the late response!

You make a good point about Fred and George not wanting to test their products on the train...hmmm. Well, I guess I can wing it and say that Morgan seemed clueless enough for them to get away with it ;)

As to her opening up so quickly, another good point! I have in the meantime adjusted the text to explain that it was the way Fred and George acted that relaxed her. She was used to people grilling her with questions (Like Malfoy in the first chapter), but they were open and just accepted her. Hope that explains it.

Thank you for your review :)


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