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Review:angel_speaks says:
Hiya! angel_speaks here to fulfill a review request from the forums ^_^ So sorry that it took me a long while to get here...anyways let's get started.

Characterization/dialogue: Now I decided to critique these two together as majority of your chapter are dialogue. So as far as how it reflects your characters, I think that you started them off pretty well. The things that your characters say definitely shows off their interesting personalities and I'd really love to see how they develop in the next couple of chapters. They did say pretty interesting things in reference to concepts outside of the Harry Potter ideology such as "Bloody Batman" and I think that's a pretty creative touch on your part (I'm not a huge stickler of canon as I believe that the whole reason why we do FF is to add more fun elements that weren't part of the original HP world, know what I mean?) ^_^ I think you did layout your characters really well through the dialogue. I didn't spot a lot of physical descriptions of the characters in this chapter so I'm assuming that they might be in the next chapter or your leaving it up to your readers to decide. Either way would be good ^_^

Flow: I think you're doing pretty alright for this one. Obviously your story will be the type that would be told from two different POVs and I think using those fancy line indicators and labeling of POVs helps reduce any confusion. Maybe a little bit of the descriptive details such as their environment/surroundings, emotions, any detail related to any of the senses might give your story a more realistic effect to your readers and may smooth out transitions. Of course, it is your story after all so it's all up to you.other than that so far so good!

Overall, (to address your questions) it's not trying too hard nor is it too over the top. It has some elements that you can relate to reality, which is a good thing. As far as being unbelievable...it's all part of a fantasy ideology in which not everything is supposed to make any sense. In other words, I love your creativity and I would like to see it develop out well :)

Thanks for requesting!
A

Author's Response: GAH! THANK YOU SO MUCH! (And you didn't take that long!)

Thank you! I wanted to include the Batman thing because I thought it might be interesting how magic folk interact with muggle stuff, and I'm glad to hear that it worked! Yay! And you're right, there isn't any physical description of them because, a) I don't know how to casually slip that into the story, and b) I do get to it later, and it's often interesting to hear what other people think they look like!

I know I need to work on some description - sometimes I get too caught up in dialogue, but thanks! It seems I'm on the right track!

And that's a relief! I was really worried that it was just way too cheesy and cliche - it is supposed to be that (because cheesy and cliche is really fun!) but I didn't want it to be that to the point of boredom!

Thank you so much for such a lovely review!


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