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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
It's exciting to find a story about the Peverells, and it sounds like you're developing them in an interesting way, different from what I've seen in the rare other Peverell stories, but still well within the bounds of canon. I especially like how you've introduced the characters and sketched them out for readers - they already feel like real people, and Ignotus emerges as a strong protagonist because of the way you've given readers a detailed look into his mind and personality. In terms of plot and character, your story is already well on its way, which is great to see in an introduction!

The one thing I think you need to work on is the style and historical aspects of the story. They are linked because, from what I've seen here, you're trying to capture an old fashioned way of speech, but it's coming out too wordy - mostly because it's over-descriptive, adding too many adjectives and other descriptive terms that aren't necessary. There was a couple points throughout this chapter where I lost track of the events because there was too much description in the way. This is a strange thing for me to say since I love detailed descriptions, but your descriptions are focused on things that aren't as crucial to creating atmosphere and enhancing character. So, for instance, in the paragraph where you describe how much lighter the mansion is, you don't need to say that the curtains were pulled aside "as opposed to their usual concealment of the windows" because it's easily gathered from the rest of the paragraph that it's an unusual situation - if Ignotus is amazed by how much brighter the room is, then you don't need to say that the curtains were usually shut, that's implied. It will definitely help to be more concise.

If you want to give more of a historical feel to the story, you just need to write in a more formal style. So instead of "grumpiness", you could use a word like "melancholy", which was once the popular term for being grumpy. Nor would Ignotus wear trousers in the Medieval period - it would more likely be hose or breeches... but that's really getting picky. This is what comes of reading too much history. *hides* You're getting there, but maybe a look through some older stories, even Arthurian legends work, and getting a clearer understanding of the time period.

This story has a lot of potential and it'll be interesting to see where you'll take it next! I hope this review hasn't sounded harsh, and if you'd like more help with the story, just let me know! :)

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