Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ob sessed says:
Hi there! Stumbled on your story from the Review Thread :) so here I am and I have a bit of picking up on grammar and such so I'm just going to be a lil nitpicky for a second...

In this: "Shuttering she took another peek at the clock" - I think you meant 'shuddering' haha ;)

Here: "...that started coffee" - I think you're missing a word. I think it should be 'that started 'the' coffee...'

Also, in this sentence: "every morning when she walked into her closet she seen the dress bag" - grammatically, it should be "she would see the dress"

Also, you did this a few times.. "...accept the Malfoy’s back" - Malfoys should be with no apostrophe. It's not possessive, it's talking about more than one Malfoy, see? :)

Okay righto, sorry about that. I can't help myself. I studied English for 3 years so... But anywhoo, onto the main thing, your story! It's a lovely beginning! It's really interesting how you introduced all your characters because it was done so flawlessly. A lot of stories shove the characters in your face but you eased them into your story - like with Hermione being missing, that was sooo perfectly well done, I sat back for a bit and thought 'wow, wonder where she went!' Also, your OC is very likeable, and with her memory loss, you really made us want to know more about her. Although, I would suggest adding more self-reflection... ehh.. I don't know if that's the right word, but show more of her feelings. At the moment, your story is quite narrative and your language is just lovely, but to really reel in readers so they start to feel something for Sin, you might want to add more of that kind of self-reflection. You did it at the end of the chapter actually and I really liked it! But then again, these are just suggestions and might be a personal preference thing so feel free to ignore me anyhow :D

I'm rambling.. sorry. Really though, it's a great start! I am genuinely very intrigued to find out what happens so keep writing!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. :) Would you, by chance be interested in being my beta for the next chapter? It has been a while since I have been in school, let alone an English class. Grammar has never been my forte and I apologize. Happy Reading~ Lady

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 105
Submit Report: