|Review:||Roots in Water says:|
Hello! I'm here to return the fantastic review you left me through the Holiday Swap!
Oh. My. Gosh. Oh. My. Gosh. This was such an emotionally packed chapter... Wow. Just wow. I am absolutely stunned by the beauty and power of this chapter.
With the opening scene I was thinking "No, no, no- Sirius killed them, he killed her parents. What is Lily going to think?" The emotion, the almost vagueness, the simplicity of the scene was wonderfully done. His emotions - frustration, anger, ferocity - came through very well and the simple sentences made the section just that much more powerful.
(I'm going to jump to the ending since that's where my thoughts are at the moment). Then, then, when Sirius says that he has to tell them something... The suspense of that moment was very well done. The heart of Sirius' character shone through crystal clear here: he's a person who wants to do the right thing, who is fundamentally good (no matter what mistakes he may make) and is willing to own up to his mistakes. He was astonishingly mature here, and feeling oh so guilty, but it worked so well with him. Beautiful characterization here.
And then the telling of the incident itself! I think that you made the right choice here when you wrote the event as it happened instead of just describing it. It leant more emotion to the scene than a simple rendition would have and it allowed us to see Lily's reaction to the event. I will admit that I hadn't thought that Lily would have known about it- I thought that this would be a huge revelation. However, I'm very glad with the way things played out (even though the event was tragic). Lily was so Lily here (and I think I have to stop describing people by their names...) in the way she comforted Sirius even when she had just experienced a huge loss.
And let me just say that I'm very glad that Sirius was not the one to run into her parents' car. The dynamics of the accident were very interesting as just about every party was as guilty as the other. No one was completely innocent.
I do have a question, though (about a very small detail). How did the girl's parents get there so soon? Did Sirius black out for a while, giving the parents (and Lily) time to get there?
And I think that you handled the reactions of their friends very well as well. James' reaction was expected (I would have been surprised if he hadn't gotten angry, because it's an event that hurt Lily - he wouldn't have a calm reaction to that, not in the least). However, I think that he'll come around soon, after a few days of frosty treatment. Remus' reaction also fit him perfectly because he always seemed to be the most understanding and sympathetic of the group. It makes sense that he would understand Sirius' side of the story, even if he wished it hadn't happened that way and frowned on Sirius for street racing. He would understand that Sirius is beating himself up enough... There's no need to add more guilt to the pile.
Overall, the dynamics of that section were beautifully done. Bravo!
And now to move onto the less heart-breaking section of the chapter: the Quidditch scene. That scene was also very well done (you're on a roll with this chapter, aren't you?). I absolutely loved the easy dynamics in this section and I think that it was a very interesting and fun idea for everyone to help James out with the Quidditch tryouts. I suspect that Violet will have a role to play in the future but I'm sure that you can't tell me anything about that.
And then the scene with Severus... It was so bittersweet because you could see that he still really cared for her and that there was this yearning on both sides to repair their friendship... But neither made the move to repair it because they're separated by the times and their choices. The picture was very sweet and it was so nice of Severus to give it to her.
I noticed a few things as I was reading and I'll quickly point them out. To begin, with the phrase "from the devil, it was all" I'd use a semi-colon or start a new sentence instead of a comma- same thing with "furious, she". As well, with the prhase "about it, he'd" I'd use a semi-colon instead of a comma and with the phrase "finished eating, seeing James" I'd use a semi-colon or replace comma with "as". With the phrase "Mr. And Mrs. Potter" it should be "and" (you capitalized the "a") and with "press chargers for the girl‚s reckless" it's "charges". As well, on a kinda side-note, with the phrase "Lily chasing her dark haired sister through the lobby" is Petunia actually ark-haired? I suppose it was my headcanon, then, that she had dark-blonde hair. Weird, the things you pick up and incorporate into your mind.
Geez- you're going to make me wait until chapter 13 to learn about Belle's past? I guess I'll just have to speed through these chapters that much more quickly!
All in all, I think that you did a superb job with this chapter! The characterization and the dynamics were absolutely beautiful and I enjoyed reading each moment of it. Fantastic job! :D
P.S. I think that this is the longest review I've ever written. :)
Author's Response: Roots! ♥ I'm so happy you liked how the accident has played out. I know I've had a few people not love how strong Lily is at first, but that's just her. If she's trying to fix, if she's focusing on something else, it's not killing her. Then the moment she slips from her shock and realizes what's happening, it all just breaks.. which is what we saw in chapter two! Anyway, this was one of those things that I was very set on not changing, so I'm really happy she felt right to you ♥
That's exactly what I wanted with the accident! I wanted it to just have all happened in a way that it really wasn't one single person's fault. It was just something absolutely terrible that happened.
So in my head, here's how I see the finer details going. Sirius did black out when he was thrown from his bike. In my head where they crashed is the entrance to the neighborhood where Lily and Severus live, with James about half a mile away. So numerous houses would have heard the wreck and called the police. Sirius was woken up by the guy when the police were showing up and while he went to hide his bike the police had started talking to the girl, called her parents and all that. Lily is one of the people who lives in the neighborhood and drove down the road to see what was happening and ya :(. It does all kind of add up too perfectly, but it was the best I could come up with to get everyone I wanted there :P
Ahh I'm so happy you like James's reaction! And you're right, there is a very good chance he'll come around soon ;)
The quidditch scene was SO HARD TO WRITE. Haha, I'm not sports person so even getting in the sports attitude isn't easy for me! So I'm very pleased that you felt like it was well done :)!
Hahah yes yes I AM making you wait until chapter 13! I'm a sneaky girl. But the way we're swapping, it won't take long :P
Your review just turned me into mush and gah. I don't know what to do with you ♥