|Review:||Roots in Water says:|
Hello! I'm here to return the favour for the fabulous review you left for the Holiday Swap. And oh boy- I think that this is the last review I can leave you until you post another chapter of one of your stories/another story. *sigh* Please post something soon! :D
This was an amazing end to this short story. I don't know what exactly I was expecting her proof to be but I don't think that it was a memory of the Final Battle. However, you did a fantastic job with your description of the battle. It seemed so real and it was so very interesting because while we were seeing Hermione's memory, we were watching it from Albus' perspective, who didn't know many of the people or the exact meaning of each of their triumphs. He knew generalities or very specific facts... But he didn't know who Bellatrix was or that Hogwarts had been in ruins. This unique perspective really made the scene come alive. Great job!
Even as I was reading through the memory, I didn't expect Greyback to go feral (as I suppose you would describe it). Of course, after you started hinting about it, I immediately started to view it as a very interesting and plausible possibility, but I was also expecting you to write Lavendar's death. I realize, however, that that would ahve only sown his ferocity and animal-tendencies in the past, not in the present, as his feral-ness (is that a word?) did.
The process in which you progressed towards his explosion was very well done. It was realistic and I could see it happening as it happened. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the moment where he lost it. And then he did, in a large and very aggressive manner. After he started to move, I knew that there would be no doubt as to whether or not he would be put back into prison.
My one critique about the fight was that it was slightly difficult to follow its location. I know that at one point Albus left the Memory room (which is a really cool invention, by the way), but I wasn't sure when Hermione and Greyback did and I was surprised when you wrote that everyone else spilled out of the room to arrest Greyback. But this was a minor confusion compared to the chapter as a whole. :)
The ending of this chapter was very strong and tied up the one loose end from the first chapter. So Seamus was in love with Lavendar and sent Hermione the letter... It all makes sense and you wrote his emotions wonderfully. It was interesting to see his reaction to the end of the war, which was perfectly reasonable. The temptation to take justice upon yourself would be very strong and his attempt to break into Azkaban was a good reflection of that desire.
All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this story. Everyone was beautifully characterized and you wrote them into a very original situation. Great work! :D
Author's Response: Hi, Roots! Wow. Now that I think of it, you're right. There is nothing I've written that you haven't reviewed. You poor, poor soul! ;) Seriously, though, you have no idea how much I appreciate it all!
I loved the idea of writing the all through Albus's eyes. He knows enough about what happened that he can recognize some of the key events and the players involved, but he's getting all of the context for the first time. And he has no frame of reference for bloodshed and death on such an enormous scale. Like everyone else in the room except for Hermione and Greyback, he's mesmerized.
To me, Greyback was such an unstable madman to begin with and he'd been locked away in Azkaban for so long that it wasn't going to take a whole lot to shake his self-control. It was already slipping at the start of the scene, when he can't stop himself from trying to put a chill in Albus. Confronted with all of the chaos and violence of the battle, he eventually loses it and attacks. Escape was never his goal.
Hmmnn... maybe I can work a bit on the descriptions. The entire fight takes place inside the Memory Chamber. Albus doesn't ever leave it. After Hermione begins to fight with Greyback, the memory they're viewing ends and they're returned to "normal" reality, sort of like when Harry pulls himself out of the penseive after viewing Snape's memories.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up a lovely little bit of head canon that put Seamus and Lavender in a secret relationship during the year that Snape and the Carrows were in charge of Hogwarts. They kept it a secret in order to keep her safe. If the Carrows had found out, they would have threatened her as a means of controlling him. I'm sure her death hit everyone hard, but he still hasn't really recovered from it.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this and I promise I'll try to get some writing done soon. The holidays haven't been kind to my free time. Thanks so much for all of your support and awesome reviews!