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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi!

And the plot thickens! i really like that there was that weird tension between them at the end of their date and instead of them both enjoying the date (as far as well know) there is that added fear and question to tracey's mind. This works well because it makes the reader want to read on and see what will happen next.

I'd love to see some more dialogue though, not a lot but it just seemed like through the date i couldn't get a good feel of his interaction with audrey or Tracey and it did feel like they were silent for most of the time. If i had a first date like that i probably wouldn't be interested in a second one. I don't mean to sound harsh or anything because your writing is improving with each chapter it's just something to think about.

i also feel like you sometimes focus on the details (like she has black mascara or there is a turkey sandwich and fries (they'd be called chips in England ) ) although it's fun to add those extra details and we want to know what the characters looks like and are eating but perhaps write it in such a way that isn't simply describing it. perhaps her blonde hair fell in soft waves behind her as she ushered a bouncing Audrey out the door. That makes us the action, it makes the reader see more of how Tracey interacts with people and her daughter and it shows what her hair looks like rather than just telling us.

Anyway, this is a good chapter and i like the mounting anxiety tracey feels, i think a lot of people can relate to her fear before a first date, the awkward pauses, and then picking apart everything that might have went wrong in the date. It does make me really feel for Tracey and i hope things end up going well between them!! Thanks for swapping with me, i do enjoy reading this story it's really good.

Author's Response: Yes this story is very much description heavy! I hope someday to maybe come back and change things a bit, add in more conversations and such. But this was written for Nano (my first attempt ever) so I was trying to add in as much description as I could so really up my word count, although I tried to make sure that it wasn't just going and going just for the sake of upping my word count. Tracey and Audrey and Theo are some of my favorite characters that I have written! I love this story that I have set out for them but then lost my binder with ideas and have only just recently found it so hopefully I can start writing and updating this story again! I will try and go back and look at adding in some conversation and changing the description around a bit! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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