Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Jchrissy says:
So, obviously he's a bit curious about these waves, or not even curious.. but he momentarily tries to figure out what they're doing, what he should be doing, but this was the first time he's actually not trusted what his head is telling him. YAY! Although, considering we know he's found still in the depths of the trunk, I wonder if he'll ever fully figure out what's happening or if it isn't until he's found that he's able to fight over the control. Poor mad eye :(.

Oh god. My head canon is getting the best of me. I was about to remind you that Rosier is the one who cursed off his leg in case you wanted to add in a name, but then realized that was just in my head :P But - I LOVE that you're mixing his memories, what he currently believes to be part of, with the fact that he actually isn't. His leg not feeling right makes perfect sense, considering in his head he was much younger during his last memory. I love that you added that because it keeps us aware that everything happening in his head isn't just old memories for us to see, but they're what Moody's being 'distracted' with and he's slowly starting to find flaws in them.

So, I don't think this is incorrect, but it still felt odd. The part where Alastor is told he's expected in the second trainee room, I think training room would feel smoother only because when I saw trainee I automatically thought person, so I was thinking second trainee, then room kind of jumbled me up. I'm also only on my first cup of coffee..

I LOVE your explanation of the Aurors and their different departments. This entire section feels very military-ish so far. Which makes a lot of sense to me, and I think does an awesome job at making it clear to us that it's not just running around capturing dark wizards. AND I've been wondering exactly what his dad did because his job didn't seem like a normal Auror, so more of a spy auror makes sense! Though, if you ever feel like editing this, you could stick with the military feeling you've created (by using things like unit, active duty, mandatory paper work if injured on the job until cleared by a physician, having to pass a Physical Test after being injured..) and use different terms. You could stick with Field Aurors, then intelligence Aurors (instead of research) then Special Operations Aurors (as spy). Obviously a very random suggestion, but everything about this section is so perfect and uniform (in a very good way!) that I thought I'd throw the suggestion out there to stick with the mood you've already created :). So you'd basically have the active duty unit as the Field Aurors (since active duty in the military is designed mainly for actual fighting.. well active duty army, I don't know much about the other branches), the Intelligence Aurors would be parallel to Military Intelligence (they work with only research relating to the military, and they work with the CIA I believe) then Special Operations Aurors would be like the Army's special forces, the navy's Navy Seals.. that same idea. They work in very, very small units and are very secretive to the point where spouses don't even know what they're doing. Only their superiors know where they are, so they're the closest to a spy you can get without going into CIA. Okay. Sorry to write you an essay, but like I said.. everything else just felt so tight and perfectly in place, that I couldn't help but add an alternative to research and spy. I'm done with that now :P

Wait! Wait! I want to know how to know if we're over planned!! You did such an awesome job sucking me into the sections question. I was so into his random choosing of students, and how they would react (high five to blondy for having a good answer!) that I felt myself frown a bit when it was over, haha. I'm such a baby.

Ahhh what does Albus need his help for?! I'm *very* excited to find out. Absolutely spectacular job with that letter, by the way. I can't believe how well you captured his voice.

Okay, here's where I'm at with Alastor. I think you've done such a perfect job with keeping his sense of 'constant vigilance' alive, and you haven't overdone his gruffness. I think he fits in perfectly with his time frame, and the lecture hour was really awesome. It gave us a chance to see why he would even accept a position teaching at Hogwarts. He's good at it! It may not be his very favorite thing, but he's really, really good at it!!

I also continue to love the amount of detail you have. The things you describe are things that matter, things that Alastor would notice, and you don't break us out of character by telling us about things that Moody *wouldn't* notice. That might be one of my favorite things about your writing style.

This was a really, really awesome chapter m'dear! ♥

Author's Response: Woah- large, amazing review here. Thank you so much! :D

I would answer your pondering in the first paragraph but seeing as how you've already finished the story... Well, you know how it ends (as well as the things I need to improve upon). :P

I'm so glad that you like what I'm doing with the flaws in the memory process. This story was a way to explore Moody's life but the memories had to serve a purpose in the larger context of the story as well... (Silly plot, right? Why can't I just write scenes with no purpose?)

And I've wanted to correct/suggest things for people and then realized that it's all happened in my head... It's strange how little of what you know about the HP universe is actually grounded in the books, isn't it?

That's a good point! I didn't even think to use "training room", even though it would make a lot of sense... Silly me. And thanks for all of the military terms! I'll definitely edit them in when I edit the chapter!

Haha- Dan said the same thing about the "over-planning" stop. I suppose I'll edit in a response to that question, since both of you wanted to know what it was. :P

I'm so, so, so glad that you like how I've written Alastor up until this point! I'm super happy that you think I've written him such that he fits in with each time period of his life.

Thank you so much for the absolutely fantastic review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 472
Submit Report: