|Review:||Roots in Water says:|
Hello! I'm here to return your lovely review! It appears that I'm finally catching up with the chapters in this story (though not really... There's still another six unread ones...)
I really enjoyed this chapter. Though it still provided some light-hearted elements, it also brought a more serious tone back into the story- the unfortunate reminder that they're living in the beginning of a war.
I thought that your Death Eater scene at the beginning of the chapter was well done. I liked how you contrasted the setting with the outdoor setting of Hogwarts by comparing the lighting. Though subtle, it really helped to set the scene. As well, I think that you did a great job with your characterization of the Death Eaters. Though I was a little surprised one or two times by the manner in which Lucius acted (for example, his envy of Bellatrix's excitement), I soon remembered that we were reading a younger Lucius, a less controlled Lucius, and the pieces fell back into place again.
For the most part, I think that you did a fantastic job capturing Voldemort's character (he is another tough one to write well, don't you think?). However, one line stuck out for me as a little out of place coming from Voldemort's mouth: "Rodolphus - go over it again". The "go over it again" sounded a little informal and it sounded a little lenient as well. I would change the phrasing to something more strict and menacing... Perhaps "Repeat what I have said so that I can be assured that it has sunken into your brain" (I don't know...).
It was really nice to see the two groups interact again so well and their introductory scene was a nice transition from the next chapter. It was also sweet to see how a younger student viewed the "big and bad" seventh years. Poor James, frightening her with his silence.
The scene between Belle and Sirius was very touching. It was very sweet to see how Sirius feels and treats her differently than other girls and recognizes that he may feel more than just friendship for her... They looked so close to kissing in that section but I'm glad you didn't have them kiss because once again it wasn't the best time. Belle had just received bad news and their relationship probably would've headed straight for the rocks if they'd begun it then.
As well, I liked your introduction to Belle's family problems. It was slightly mysterious, since the letter referred to some things that we didn't have knowledge of, but it also provided more information on her family. So her family has a high position in French society? Interesting... That would provide some more explanation as to why she has more proper manners (among other things). As well, now I'm really curious to learn about the incident that drove her from her family's side (or was it a series of incidents?) :D
I noticed a few mistakes as I read through the chapter that I'll point out now. To begin, with the phrase "wind, they", "they" should either be the beginning of a new sentence or preceded by a semi-colon. As well, with the phrase "Lily was positive she nor Sirius would admit it" there should be a "neither" in front of "she" and with "shooting his teams directly" it should be "team's". With the phrase "but be happy at James decision" it should be "with James'" (forgot the apostrophe) and with "nominate first and second years" it should be "to nominate" (infinitive of verb). With the phrase "result of a busy day, at least that's" I would use a semi-colon instead of a comma and with "memories brunt away" I believe it's "burnt". Finally, with "Dungeons, the Heads", I would change comma to semi-colon or add "as" in place of comma.
All inall, I think that you did a fantastic job with this chapter and I look forward to reading more about the adventures of the Marauders and the girls. Great work! :D
Author's Response: Hi darling!! I'm so happy you liked the first section. I really enjoy adding the DE element to it. And Voldemort is very, very difficult for me. He and Dumbledore the top two, so I'm happy he seemed right for the most part! The sentence you pointed out does sound a bit relaxed now that I read it. Thank you for suggesting an alternative!
Younger Lucius and Bellatrix have both been a challenge, a fun one though. But I really want to capture how, at one time, Lucius's desire to be the most devoted, to be able to do the most unspeakable asks without blinking an eye lid, were very real and not as subdued as his later years. And Bellatrix, who is obviously as loyal and excited as ever, doesn't have the same sort of control she had in present day. She isn't able to contain her own emotions, her own excitement for even being around him. I'm happy that it made sense once you weighed in the de-aging aspect!
I'm so happy that you liked learning a bit more about Belle! You finally see the entire story in chapter 13. And... it was one exact incident but with the combination of a lifetime of incidents... it that makes sense. The reason for her leaving was one thing, but that one thing probably never would have happened if she hadn't had a lifetime of being raised the way she was. Okay. I'm shutting up now so you can find out for yourself in..6 chapters :P
Ahh thank you for pointing those out, and perfect timing as I'm just about to go through the most updated version of the chapters and back them up! Thank you again so much for pointing out the errors instead of just telling me they are in there, because I'd probably look right past them on accident during another proof read!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter! It was one of my favorite to write. Especially getting to finally show a transformation scene!
Thank you again, m'dear ♥